A WORD on Domestic Violence: Marriage Is Declining Because Men Are Pigs
Kevin Drum’s article, Marriage Is Declining Because Men Are Pigs, published on-line by Mother Jones on March 24, 2016 is right that men are pigs. Well, NotAllMen, but yeah, you guys are what you are. We still love you and marry you. We, women, even make babies with you -by choice!
I think the reason for the decline in marriage is more nuanced, and it is not the subject I’d like to clarify.
Mr. Drum states that college educated men make better spouses. One of the reasons he states is that educated men are generally not abusive. This is an unfortunate meme. It is not true, and those well-educated bullies are getting away with violent crime.
But there’s one exception to this: the college educated. Well-educated men are fairly reliable; they have good earning power; they generally aren’t abusive; and they’ve been willing—slowly but steadily—to change their habits and help out with kids and housework. For college-educated women, then, marriage is a relatively good deal. For everyone else, not so much. -Marriage is Declining Because Men are Pigs
There is no demographic that describes the average the abuser. Abusers who are well-educated are less likely to get caught, or prosecuted. They may have a better ability to groom their victims, schmooze law enforcement, and attorneys often because they have received training for it - thru their chosen career path.
CHARACTERISTICS OF AN ABUSER -National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV)
Anyone can be an abuser. They come from all groups, all cultures, all religions, all economic levels, and all backgrounds. They can be your neighbor, your pastor, your friend, your child’s teacher, a relative, a coworker—anyone. It is important to note that the majority of abusers are only violent with their current or past intimate partners. One study found that 90% of abusers do not have criminal records and that abusers are generally law-abiding outside the home.4
There is no one, typical, detectable personality of an abuser. However, they do often display common characteristics.
Abusers seek Power and Control. If they go to college, they often seek an education that further that goal. If they are good at their jobs —they will have the financial resources to hire good lawyers. They can become well-respected members or leaders of the community.
And the cycle continues —those in power are not caught or punished. Those they seek to abuse will not believed. They will be mocked, or ignored. Speaking out can upset a power structure involving more than the immediate family.
Their children become yet another generation of damaged individuals. We all suffer.
The hashtag meme of NotallMen is correct. Only a small percentage of men (and women) are abusers. Yet, like the school playground, we let the bullies dictate. They have gamed the system. We, Men and Women let them continue.
Please remember that all religion, all legal codes and history itself for thousands of years has been decided and interpreted by men in power to their satisfaction. NotAllMen are selfish bullies. Yet religion, law and history are all given to us from the perspective of powerful men.
Think, learn what you can, volunteer at your local Violence Shelter, get involved.
Speak with your voice and your vote.