We all know that Chuck C. Johnson is one of those “stranger than fiction” characters. Or is he? Just for fun, come “Through the Looking Glass” with me, and I’ll share 13 quotes that indicate he might be a fictitious character after all:
Explaining his inability to form coherent sentences:
“Somehow it seems to fill my head with ideas — only I don’t exactly know what they are!” (Chapter 1)
The general reaction of sane people to his thought processes:
I never thought of that before!
It’s my opinion that you never think at all. (Chapter 2)
We all know he fancies himself quite the cunning linguist:
Speak in French when you can’t think of the English for a thing—turn out your toes when you walk—and remember who you are! (Chapter 2)
Did somebody say logic?
Contrariwise,” continued Tweedledee, “if it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn’t, it ain’t. That’s logic.” (Chapter 4)
That award-winning journalistic approach to news:
“It’s a poor sort of memory that only works backwards,” the Queen remarked.
“What sort of things do you remember best?” Alice ventured to ask.
“Oh, things that happened the week after next,” the Queen replied in a careless tone. (Chapter 5)
His exercise regimen:
Alice laughed. “There’s no use trying,” she said: “one can’t believe impossible things.”
“I daresay you haven’t had much practice,” said the Queen. “When I was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.” (Chapter 5)
His views on crime and punishment (particularly for women and minorities):
“There’s the King’s Messenger. He’s in prison now, being punished: and the trial doesn’t begin until next Wednesday: and of course the crime comes last of all.”
“Suppose he never commits the crime?” said Alice.
“That would be all the better, wouldn’t it?” the Queen said. (Chapter 5)
His “it was just a joke that you low-IQ people didn’t understand” explanations:
“When I use a word,’ Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, ‘it means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less.” (Chapter 6)
His over-inflated sense of his own intelligence:
‘Let’s hear it,’ said Humpty Dumpty. ‘I can explain all the poems that were ever invented—and a good many that haven’t been invented just yet.’ (Chapter 6)
His thorough misunderstanding and misuse of words and phrases:
‘Then you should say what you mean,’ the March Hare went on.
‘I do,’ Alice hastily replied; ‘at least - at least I mean what I say - that’s the same thing, you know.’
‘Not the same thing a bit!’ said the Hatter. ‘You might just as well say that “I see what I eat” is the same thing as “I eat what I see”!’
‘You might just as well say,’ added the March Hare, ‘that “I like what I get” is the same thing as “I get what I like”!’ (Chapter 7)
His imaginary “scoops” (not to be confused with his imaginary friends):
“I see nobody on the road,” said Alice.
“I only wish I had such eyes,” the King remarked in a fretful tone. “To be able to see Nobody! And at that distance, too! Why, it’s as much as I can do to see real people, by this light!” (Chapter 7)
A typically convoluted version of his sense of self:
Be what you would seem to be - or if you’d like it put more simply - Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise. (Chapter 9)
And finally, the explanation for his current situation:
‘It’s too late to correct it,’ said the Red Queen: ‘when you’ve once said a thing, that fixes it, and you must take the consequences.’ (Chapter 9)