TALLAHASSEE (The Borowitz Report)—Arguing that its current system of laws is out of step with life in today’s Florida, a growing chorus of lawmakers in the state are arguing for a measure that would eliminate laws altogether.
“Florida is rife with laws that say ‘Do this, don’t do that,’ ” said Gov. Rick Scott, a supporter of the measure. “Speaking as a Floridian, I have found it exhausting pretending to obey them.”
There is broad support in the state for abolishing laws, according to a poll commissioned by the political action committee Citizens For a Lawless Florida.
According to that poll, a majority of Floridians favor ridding the state of laws, while a sizable number did not know that the state had any.
“We’ve been trying to remove laws piecemeal for the past few decades, but this measure seems like the most efficient way to take care of the whole problem,” Gov. Scott said.
For those who fear that eradicating Florida’s laws would wreak havoc on life in the state, Gov. Scott offered this reassurance: “Honestly, I don’t think you’ll notice a difference.”
Florida Gov. Rick Scott (R) has discovered the hard way that devotion to tea party economics has a significant downside—namely that the voters really hate it.
Elected in 2010 on a wave of tea party anger, Scott took office promising to slash spending, lower taxes and shrink the size and reach of the state government. And that he did. As my latest magazine feature documents, Scott’s first two state budgets cut state funding for everything from environmental protection to education, and he made a show of rejecting millions in federal funding for high-speed rail and health care programs, just on principle.
Two years and many millions in cuts later, Scott is one of the country’s most unpopular governors. And now that Scott is facing reelection next year, he’s changing his tune about government spending. The budget he presented to the state legislature this month was nearly $10 billion larger than the one he unveiled (at a tea party rally) in 2011, and the largest ever proposed in Florida history. And for the past two weeks, Scott has been touring the state, campaign-style, highlighting all the ways he wants to spend more taxpayer money.
It was one of the first big job announcements of Gov. Rick Scott’s administration: Vision Airlines was bringing a hub to the Panhandle, promising 4,200 “direct and indirect” jobs to the region.
“This is going to be fun. This is our chance. We are going to win,” Scott said at a Jan. 18, 2011, event, promoting the economic benefits Vision Airlines would bring.
It didn’t quite work out that way.
The airline abandoned its flights to Fort Walton Beach in less than two years. It also, local officials say, abandoned its contractual obligations to the area.
In December, county commissioners sued the company for nearly $150,000 in unpaid airline fees.
And on Monday, State Attorney Bill Eddins charged Vision Airlines with grand theft, according to the Northwest Florida Daily News.
The Satanic Temple is planning its first major rally, which will be held in support of Florida Gov. Rick Scott later this month for — which might sound ironic — signing a bill that allows for the possibility of prayer in public schools.
The religion’s founder Neil Bricke, who is based in New York, is expected to speak at the rally. Bricke uses an assumed name for Satanic-related business and would not reveal his real name to ABC News. The group also hopes to open a temple in New York in the next few months.
It may be telling that the Satanic temple will be located in New York and the group’s first rally, scheduled for Jan. 25, will be held in Florida.
“New York is a pretty good place for Satanism. Florida is too,” said Satanic Temple spokesman Lucien Greaves.
The Florida bill that has delighted the Satanists is Senate Bill 98 and gives students “sole discretion in determining whether an inspirational message is to be delivered” at a student assembly. The bill prohibits school officials from participating in or influencing whether an inspirational message will be delivered.