Zounds! Kenny Bunk has found the method to Obama’s madness!
BTW, for what it’s worth, I am becoming convinced that the key to “understanding” the Obama Phenomenon is Deconstruction Philosophy, Dadaism
… this old Onion satire.
Members of the earth’s earliest known civilization, the Sumerians, looked on in shock and confusion some 6,000 years ago as God, the Lord Almighty, created Heaven and Earth.
According to recently excavated clay tablets inscribed with cuneiform script, thousands of Sumerians—the first humans to establish systems of writing, agriculture, and government—were working on their sophisticated irrigation systems when the Father of All Creation reached down from the ether and blew the divine spirit of life into their thriving civilization.
“I do not understand,” reads an ancient line of pictographs depicting the sun, the moon, water, and a Sumerian who appears to be scratching his head. “A booming voice is saying, ‘Let there be light,’ but there is already light. It is saying, ‘Let the earth bring forth grass,’ but I am already standing on grass.”
“The Sumerian people must have found God’s making of heaven and earth in the middle of their well-established society to be more of an annoyance than anything else,” said Paul Helund, ancient history professor at Cornell University. “If what the pictographs indicate are true, His loud voice interrupted their ancient prayer rituals for an entire week.”
According to the cuneiform tablets, Sumerians found God’s most puzzling act to be the creation from dust of the first two human beings.
“These two people made in his image do not know how to communicate, lack skills in both mathematics and farming, and have the intellectual capacity of an infant,” one Sumerian philosopher wrote. “They must be the creation of a complete idiot.”
The “complete idiots” are those who insist on believing that an obvious metaphor is literally true.
I’d quote a selection from her email but I think my computer would choke on the sheer number of f-bombs.
Lol, this woman is bitchy evil incarnate but she has such a masterful grasp of profanity.
Today we find the Weekly Standard, World Net Daily, and Emptywheel (representing the FDL camp of sorts) getting into high derp over newly sworn in CIA chief John Brennan. These memes are dedicated to them. The presidential memes are based on facts. Theodore Roosevelt was sworn in without a bible. He was a devout man. John Quincy Adams on the other hand was sworn in using a law book. WND would probably assume that John Quincy Adams was a Muslim as the right wing crackpots are saying on Twitter.
March 4, 1857 Eighteenth Inaugural Ceremonies James Buchanan Unknown
March 4, 1853 Seventeenth Inaugural Ceremonies Franklin Pierce Unknown
July 10, 1850 Swearing-In of Vice President Millard Fillmore after the death of President Zachary Taylor Millard Fillmore Unknown
March 5, 1849 Sixteenth Inaugural Ceremonies Zachary Taylor Unknown
March 4, 1845 Fifteenth Inaugural Ceremonies James K. Polk The origin of Polk’s Bible is unknown, although a letter in the front of the volume indicates that after the Inauguration, it was presented to Mrs. Polk by the Marshal of the District of Columbia. There is no indication that it was open during the oath-taking, and has no marked passages.
April 6, 1841 Swearing-In of Vice President John Tyler after the death of President William H. Harrison John Tyler Unknown
March 4, 1841 Fourteenth Inaugural Ceremonies William H. Harrison Unknown
March 4, 1837 Thirteenth Inaugural Ceremonies Martin Van Buren Unknown
March 4, 1833 Twelfth Inaugural Ceremonies Andrew Jackson Unknown
March 4, 1829 Eleventh Inaugural Ceremonies Andrew Jackson Unknown
March 4, 1825 Tenth Inaugural Ceremonies John Quincy Adams According to his own version of his Inauguration, Adams took the oath upon a volume of law.
March 4, 1821 Ninth Inaugural Ceremonies James Monroe Unknown
March 4, 1817 Eighth Inaugural Ceremonies James Monroe Unknown
March 4, 1813 Seventh Inaugural Ceremonies James Madison Unknown
March 4, 1809 Sixth Inaugural Ceremonies James Madison Unknown
March 4, 1805 Fifth Inaugural Ceremonies Thomas Jefferson Unknown
March 4, 1801 Fourth Inaugural Ceremonies Thomas Jefferson Unknown
March 4, 1797 Third Inaugural Ceremonies John Adams Unknown
March 4, 1793 Second Inaugural Ceremonies George Washington Unknown
April 30, 1789 First Inaugural Ceremonies George Washington The Holy Bible from St. John’s Masonic Lodge, No. 1, opened at random due to haste to Genisis 49:13
In summary, John Quincy Adams definitely didn’t use a bible nor the constitution but rather a law book. Some argue that Theodore Roosevelt was rushed in due to the assassination of President William McKinley in 1901. However, Godly people should have at least had a bible handy indicating that these heathens could quite possibly have been either Muslims or atheists.
Update: Reference for above presidential oaths.
Our Fucking Mission
You better believe the douches in senior management dug deep to come up with this crap. They probably spent 2 god damned weeks sitting in front of a white board giving each other god damned hand jobs to condense this dumbass company’s mission into six sentences of meaningless buzzwords and empty phraseology. I bet they added some cute quip at the god damned end of it, too, to make it seem personal. What utter bastards.