Dear Money,

We need to talk. I’ve been meaning to write this letter to you for a while, but I got side-tracked and spent a whole lot of time doing other stuff, and then I was busy starting a new agency and so it didn’t happen. But it turns out that open letters are the in thing now, so I thought I might as well jump on the overloaded bandwagon before it gets pulled over by the Metro cops.

This isn’t easy for me. We’ve never really got on very well, but it’s time I was honest. The truth is, I’ve always felt nervous around you, like I need to apologise for something. I’m not exactly sure why, but I find it difficult to ask for you or talk about you, and when you come up in conversation, I go bright red and change the subject.

More: An Open Letter to Money

Wisdom crosses time.

CLEVELAND—During an unexpected moment of clarity Tuesday, open-minded man Blake Richman was suddenly struck by the grim realization that he’s squandered a significant portion of his life listening to everyone’s bullshit, the 38-year-old told reporters.

A visibly stunned and solemn Richman, who until this point regarded his willingness to hear out the opinions of others as a worthwhile quality, estimated that he’s wasted nearly three and a half years of his existence being open to people’s half-formed thoughts, asinine suggestions, and pointless, dumbfuck stories.

“Jesus Christ,” said Richman, taking in the overwhelming volume of useless crap he’s actively listened to over the years. “My whole life I’ve made a concerted effort to give people a fair shake and understand different points of view because I felt that everyone had something valuable to offer, but it turns out most of what they had to offer was complete bullshit.”.

theonion.com

If it is not an iPhone, why would I need it?

Youtube Video

In the future Apple will be exposed as a religion.

“I have to have it today, it is a matter of faith.”