I have always maintained that, excepting perhaps the deeply religiously cynical (Fred Phelps?) anyone who comes out in public opposition to homosexuality is almost certainly a homosexual himself. For many years now this thumb rule has served me well, filling me with the warm rosy glow of human hypocrisy and giving me an excuse to raise a frosty mug at the bar to the angry face on the television screen while pronouncing the verdict, “probably gay, poor fellow.”
There seem to be three mechanisms in process that make this law work. One is that some homosexuals, finding themselves in an intolerant environment (school, work, home, church, community, state, the inside of their own head) wish to appear “more straight than straight,” to the point of being a loyal attack dog for their imaginary straight side. The second reason this rule works is that for the most part, genuinely straight people don’t care enough about homosexuals to express an opinion, generally feeling that “if it neither breaks my leg nor picks my pocket” that it is none of their business. After all, it is not as if gay marriage will become mandatory for everyone any time soon. And the sight of Kim Kardashian playing a bride at her own wedding—making her one of the highest-paid actresses in the industry—has pretty much wilted the argument that gays are going to weaken the institution of marriage. The third reason this rule works is that it is hard to prove a negative, so I can always claim that time will out the hypocrite.
So. I read, many years ago, Orson Scott Card’s iconic opus, “Ender’s Game,” which—laden with homoerotic scenes of naked boys fighting in the shower while preparing to combat mankind’s enemy, the “buggers”—had left me with the vague impression that Card might be a homosexual. Not in itself very interesting, but then this came up: Card is a member of the board of the National Organization for Marriage, a group that seeks to prevent the legalization of same-sex marriage, and this association has aroused a lot of opposition to his latest project: a Superman comic.
Apparently there is a cost for public bigotry. Not that he needs the work—his books have been extremely successful and his Mormon family is not all that large, yet. Still, in 2004 he penned an essay titled “Homosexual Marriage and Civilization,” in which he wrote:
The dark secret of homosexual society—the one that dares not speak its name—is how many homosexuals first entered into that world through a disturbing seduction or rape or molestation or abuse, and how many of them yearn to get out of the homosexual community and live normally.
There is little doubt in my mind that Card has unresolved issues, and if so, is suffering for them. And so I raise a mug to his health. Probably gay, poor fellow.