little green footballs

Take Science Over the Rapture Barkers

Sun, Sep 10, 2017 at 5:58:55 pm

Via Shannyn Moore, Alaska Dispatch News

I don't know how old I was when the rapture insurance salesman came to my church. He was pretty slick. For not a particularly tall man, he had a big voice that sounded more like the booming guy who does movie trailers. He had charts with newspaper clippings that had red threads connecting to passages of the book of Revelation. I'm not sure why he was even allowed to speak, but he was a sweet talker and had made his way to the front of our little congregation of free-range Christians.

A woman named Rita was the one who called his bogus line of bull for what it was. She was an older lady with red fingernails and was divorced. A scandal in our midst who was sounding the alarm to protect the flock. I liked her.

Rapture insurance is for sale online. What started as a hoax is now a service offered for pet owners. "If you believe there is a coming Rapture, and you love your pets, it becomes serious. And that's what we are — serious about the safety and care of your pets, as well as your peace of mind." Certified atheists will take care of your pets if you are swept away on Judgment Day. How they are certified is not exactly clear, but you won't have to worry about your cat, dog, monkey or hamster while dancing on the streets of gold. Hallelujah!

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