This seems like a good time to point out that the Church of the Subgenius is currently running a 2-for-the-price-of-1 special on ordainment.

Yes, not only will you secure for yourself and your lucky “other” a place on the Pleasure Saucers when X-Day arrives, you will be henceforth recognized as a DULY ORDAINED MINISTER in the CHURCH OF YOUR CHOICE. Now you, too, can insist on having your religious choices inflicted on others, and you’ll have official license to be really, really indignant until you get your way. JUST LIKE THE HOODWINKERS OF THE CONSPIRACY CHURCHES.

This is a FIRST-EVER Church of the SubGenius ORDAINMENT SALE! You know we must be truly desperate, crazy or both to make this COMPLETELY INSANE OFFER!

BUY 1 GET 1 FREE!

TWO SubGenius Ordainment kits for only $35! Save yourself and a loved one!
— OR save a loved one plus a deceased ancestor!
— OR save a beloved pet (living or not) AND a total stranger — or a celebrity at random!
— OR just keep the kits yourself, but DENY salvation to TWO DESPISED ENEMIES!
It’s entirely up to you!
(Tell us where to send what in the Customer Instructions section!)
Click here for the $35 2-for-1 SubGenius Membership SLACK FRIDAY Special Sale Button!

GO NOW! GET TO DA CHOPPA.