What a time to be alive.

Sunday was a rough game for Tom Brady. By the time the game ended, he sported bruises, cuts, skinned elbows, burst blisters — and, oh yeah, a near-miss with an anonymous set of Denver’s family jewels.

“I tried to lay on him a few times,” an unnamed Broncos rusher said after the game. “I tried to rub my nuts on his face.”