Found it! It was actually in a rejoinder to a crazy Christian writing in to tell him he was going to have to fuck Satan in hell.

thestranger.com

This is the guy writing in:

Hey, Faggot: First, I dislike having to address you as “Faggot,” since that term is dehumanizing. Second, if you consider homosexuality moral, then you can expect to perform sex acts with Satan himself in Hades. Although I am Christian and straight, I don’t “gay bash” and never will. If a gay person were to ask me for a hug on the street, I wouldn’t pull back in disgust, unlike some false Christians who go out of their way to make gay human beings feel like crap.

Third, he didn’t die just for me and my sins, Dan.

Todd

And Dan’s response:

Hey, T:

What an interesting fantasy life you have, Todd. First, you fantasize about me and Satan getting it on in Hades. (Which amounts to you going out of your way to make me, a gay human being, “feel like crap,” don’t you think? Or is sex with Satan supposed to brighten my day?) Second, you segue from Satan & Dan doin’ it in Hades to gay men trying to hug you on the street. I’m not a trained psychologist, but you seem to have some unresolved feelings about homosexuality. Be careful, Todd of God, or you may wind up in Hades having three-ways with me and Satan.

Third, no one has to address me as “Hey, Faggot” anymore: I’m retiring the salutation. When I started writing this column in 1991, there was a debate raging in hellish homosexual circles about words like faggot. The idea was that if we used these words ourselves—Queer Nation, Dyke March, “Hey, Faggot”—straights couldn’t use them as hate words anymore. I chose “Hey, Faggot” as my salutation in joking reference to this lively debate about reclaiming hate words.

Lo many columns later, it feels strange to begin every column with a joke about a debate that ended years ago. So, I’m retiring “Hey, Faggot.” Unless someone out there comes up with a better salutation—a salutation for the next millennium—you don’t have to address me as anything at all.