Perhaps it’s time to start introducing some regulations like these:

Police barred from penis enlargement

Notably, the local method of enlargement appears to be

wrapping the penis with leaves from the “gatal-gatal” (itchy) tree so that it swells up “like it has been stung by a bee,” the expert said.

Words fail me.

Of course, such a - um - limitation would meet with considerable political opposition here in the US. After all, being American means the freedom to wrap your penis in any irritant you choose and not be discriminated against for it, as the Founders intended. Note also that it’s an Indonesian law.

And you know who else comes from Indonesia.

That’s right.