re: #127 Obdicut

In Gaelic, even for moods, you don’t say “I am happy,” or “I am sad”. You say the equivalent of “I have a happiness upon me.” likewise, for compulsions, they externalize them. It’s a healthy perspective in dealing with emotion, I think, realizing that they’re not us, they’re a force upon us.

Well, yes and no. I can’t say I fully agree because, to be honest, in my case one of the biggest events in changing my life around towards the happy, stable track it is now on was one night when I had the epiphany that a big part of it was me.

I honestly have trouble explaining it beyond it being me realizing “No, seriously, you are being an idiot about things, dumbass. You are hurting people. Yes, really.” and at that moment, it was like something snapped into place. There was regret and sorrow, but it was quickly replaced with a kind of claim I had never felt before. It was an extreme level of claim and peace for a few days, after which it basically reverted to my new normal, which was still claim and peaceful but wasn’t quite so “zen”. Just like that I in many ways felt like and became a different person.

I suppose though that the key for me was that I stopped feeling sorry for myself and blaming myself (And others) and simple just decided the solution was to fix the problems internally. Something I wish I had been able to work about about 20 years ago, but that’s life.