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Onion: Shrieking White-Hot Sphere of Pure Rage Early GOP Front-Runner for 2016

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Charles Johnson11/12/2012 6:31:26 pm PST

The Petraeus scandal is getting weird.

The rapidly unfolding saga of David Petraeus, Paula Broadwell, Jill Kelley and an unnamed FBI agent is getting trashier by the minute. The Wall Street Journal dropped a scoop on Monday evening with fresh details about the case, including a report of a man who sent shirtless photos of himself to Kelley, the accidental whistleblower. Believe it or not, the man sending sexy pics is not David Petraeus — you know, the guy that just got caught having an illicit affair with his too-fit biographer. It’s the FBI agent.

But wait there’s more. Evidently, the FBI agent who opened an investigation into some harassing emails that Kelley, a friend of his from Florida, got a little too involved in the case. According to The Journal, the agent’s “supervisors soon became concerned that the initial agent might have grown obsessed with the matter, and prohibited him from any role in the investigation.”

Meanwhile, the investigators who worked their way through a maze of anonymous email exchanges between Petraeus, Broadwell and Kelley ascertained that the former CIA director and his friend from Florida may have gotten romantically involved as well. One email described a night at dinner when the anonymous writer claimed to witness Kelley touching Petraeus “provocatively” under the table. “Provocatively” isWSJ’s word. We’re guessing the email was a little bit more specific with what was going on with the under-the-table touching.