re: #76 Feline Emperor of the Conservative Waste

Nope. Romney needs to go full “rock star” at this point. Convince the public that acting haughty and above them is a necessary part of his stardom and superiority. And having sold-out shows means that they were too slow to offer the attention he deserves.

I’m trying to imagine him being slowly lowered onto the stage in a costume reminiscent of David Bowie’s Ziggy Stardust or 70s KISS, with smoke and backlighting as the pyros go off all around him. He windmills a few A maj chords on his Gibson Explorer (with mirror pickguard) and sparks shoot out of the headstock. He gives the audience whatever the Mormon version is of the Ronnie James Dio “evil eye” gesture before launching into a Whitesnake-style power ballad about The Job Creators.

Not to be outdone, Santorum takes on an Evangelical Alice Cooper stage persona and handles snakes on stage while singing “Will The Fetus Be Aborted” to the tune of “Will The Circle Be Unbroken.” He wears a black leather sweater vest with silver Catholic iconography all over it. Stage dancers dressed as Carmelite nuns writhe piously.

Ever the narcissist’s narcissist, Gingrich goes David Lee Roth and takes to the stage shirtless and bedecked in rainbow spandex pants with the buttcheeks cut out. He rubs his nipples and sweats profusely while doing high jumps and endlessly talking about HOW FUCKING FANTASTIC he is.