October 3, 2013

President Barack Obama
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue N.W.
Washington D.C. 20500

Dear President Obama,

Here in the Phantom Zone, time is fuzzy and cause and effect are frequently non-linear, but I feel I have to ask you why you haven’t kneeled before Zod? If it wasn’t for the flaws in your governance style, the Kryptonian general wouldn’t have had to systematically murder the citizenry of Normal, Illinois by throwing bottlenose dolphins at them.
Certainly, it’s wrong of the General to creatively murder a town each hour his demands are not met, but isn’t the simple solution to just succumb and let him do what he wants?