Agreed, that is some luscious tone. But now for the serious stuff:

Work Cell Phone Report:

It is alive. Not out of the woods, but alive. I thought that cell phones were ‘water resistant’ and to save on wipes or sprays, I chose to power my phone down, remove the extra battery pack, and wash in hot soap and water trying to not submerge. It was a great idea until it wasn’t.

Now it powers up and I can see a screen. It’s dim, but working. The water is inside but the corruption may not be permanent. Powered down, will leave off rest of the weekend. The Wife Unit informed me a Leave Phone in Bag of Rice to Dry protocol will not be approved and to suck it up.

As I’m sure you’re all concerned, I’ll report status at that time. Please respect the privacy of my family and I during this difficult time.