Many years ago, I realized that I either needed to start graduate work or change fields to ensure I would make enough money to properly support my family and send the kids to college. So, I went back to college to get an electronics degree. I was older than the other students and was more motivated than many, having experienced more of the real world.

There was one other older student, a woman with similar motivations to mine: a single mom looking to provide a better life for her kids. One day I was approached by a staff member about tutoring the woman. It seemed that no one was willing to work with her. When I asked why, I was told it was because she had filed a sexual harassment charge against the head of the department, and everyone was terrified that she’d do the same to them. I’ll note she was the only female in the program (including instructors).

That answer gave me an early education as to why many women won’t confront their harassers or speak out against such behavior. She was being punished for speaking out and was treated as a pariah by everyone in the department. Everyone seemed to assume she must be lying or seeking to take advantage. The victim was treated as the offender.

I agreed to tutor her and it was a great experience. She often asked questions that improved my own understanding. We both benefited greatly from the arrangement. I’ve never regretted helping her achieve her goals.

Several years later, as more women began to join the program, more accusations about the department head surfaced and it finally became obvious to everyone that the department head was abusing his position. He was eventually fired in disgrace.

I’ll always be grateful to the woman I tutored. Not only because we both benefited from the tutoring sessions, but also for opening by eyes to how women are often punished and treated as offenders rather than victims when they speak up.