In which the author of the most evergreen headline in history reveals his identity :/

‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens https://t.co/AiYGBQLaGW pic.twitter.com/Zr0X8qcDqJ

— The Onion (@TheOnion) February 14, 2018

When I wrote this headline, I had no idea it would be applied to the high school a mile from my house. https://t.co/Vm1jCaiugo

— Jason Roeder (@jasonroeder) February 15, 2018