I kinda went into the weeds on a twitter thread about Epstein and I probably shouldn’t have. I am a rape and violence survivor and my brain went somewhere that triggered some serious anxiety. So why not share? 🤷‍♀️

Epstein is just one rich pig who built himself a system to feed his sickness. His web is probably huge due to the amount of time that has passed and planning it took. And the number of people involved. And he’s ONE DUDE. How many more are there like him? Trump’s sketchy as hell modeling and pageant history is probably its own web of Awful. No way is Epstein some anomaly. This shit ALWAYS has deep and disgusting layers that get hidden, sometimes forever.

I’ve always had this “issue” of being “hyper sensitive” to the suffering of other people. Empathy sucks sometimes. Throw in PTSD, anxiety and depression and you might imagine it can be tough on those of us who fight hard every day to hang on and “tough it out”. Right now I can literally FEEL the hate and hostility roaming at large, much of it directed at women. The depth and scope of that hate takes my breath away at times, literally. I honestly am just over most humans right now. Not all of us, but my list of Awesome is getting smaller. Which sucks.

I wish I had better words to communicate all this but it’s just exhausting and overwhelming sometimes. My own little piece of the world is crumbling away and our country is eating itself alive from the inside out. Are we going to have to completely lose everything and deteriorate into chaos and shit? Is that necessary? Because working hard and doing your best (even if that best isn’t spectacular compared to others) isn’t a guarantee of shit. It means nothing to others how hard you work or how much integrity you have. We’ve become mostly a nation of self absorbed jerks. Maybe we have this fate coming, but honestly I don’t think most of us are awful. It’s just that Awful seems to rule the day. Besides beating the shit out of all the Awful(which is gonna require full time shifts, people) and going full vendetta, I mean what is there to do? All the shit I was taught about being good and working hard just does not seem anything but naive and quaint right now.

I am discouraged. Not the first time. Or the last. Maybe shit just has to fall apart to be built up stronger again? I hope so. I really do.