littlegreenfootballs.com

Joys of Rustic Medicine Part Doo.

Had a good time at Bubba’s Top Notch Surgery and Bait Shop. Reasonable waiting time in the ER, a doc we know, a quick CT scan. Then it went bad—kidney stone trifecta, or as the doc called it ‘triplets’. I can handle that, at least it wasn’t cancer of the crotch. Then it went badder. ER sent me out at 10PM with a prescription for feel-good stuff to keep the little bastards at bay until tomorrow’s urology appointment. Did you know our town has TWO all-night pharmacies? Neither did the staff of either of them, who didn’t show up to turn off their “24 Hour” signs.

Call to Bait Shop:
‘“Yeah, we can give you another screaming meemie pain shot. (That one’s wearing off isn’t it?) You just have to come back through the ER and be re-admitted.”

I got a fifth of Tullamore Dew, and I’m going to drink it until I go NPO at midnight. If it doesn’t kill the pain, it will certainly give me a good hangover and highlight my Patient of the Year performance tomorrow.

If only I had a fuckn’ Confederate Minie ball to bite…