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Letter to a Future Republican Strategist Regarding White People

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Shiplord Kirel: Fan of USPS, Goodyear, and Oreo11/12/2012 9:55:34 am PST

I learned how to really attract girls after I started to college, and quite by accident. I had been blackmailed into baby sitting my brother Jeff, who was then 18 months old. After my folks left, I remembered I had a test I couldn’t miss. In those long off days they would allow you to bring children to class if they didn’t cause a disruption. I had doubts about Jeff’s potential for sitting still long enough for me to take the test but, having no choice, I decided to risk it.
I packed the squawking monster up and headed for campus, utterly mortified. We were no sooner out of the car than girls, really attractive ones at that, started swarming us. “What an adorable little boy!” etc. Jeff beamed at the attention and behaved perfectly through the test. I took my time getting back to the car with him when I left. I volunteered to baby-sit the wonderful little sibling on class days. My mother was probably mystified by the change in my attitude. She might have suspected that I had turned gay, but I also started dating a lot more, and that probably put her mind at ease.