Oh dear heavens I just opened a package of tofu that’s a year out of date.

It’s pristine in appearance, but it smells like something from Dante’s Inferno. Which, with my current case of stuffy nose, means I got partway through chopping it before noticing.

I may be out of touch for the next few days, because I think I need to cauterize every surface in the kitchen and abrade away a few layers of skin.