Sandy Hook Shooting Prompts ‘Unprecedented’ Run on Guns, Assault Rifles Across the Country

“We already have tons of customers because of Christmas, hunting season is peaking right now, and not to mention, the election,” said Larry Hyatt, owner of the largest independently owned gun store in America. “But this tragedy is pushing sales through the roof. It’s like putting gasoline on a fire.”

Hyatt Gun Shop is notable for being would-be Obama assassin Jerry Blanchard’s gun shop of choice.

At some point, humans acquired lemming genes.