I was gifted a roll of Donald Trump toilet paper by a friend of mine on the island at our Thursday night Cards Against Humanity game. I’m not disposed towards scatological humor, but there was something oddly satisfying about putting it to use.

Speaking of Emperor Dump, I see from his morning constitutional Twitter rage that he’s still obsessed with tall black college men who listen to his conversation. He really should put up an OKCupid profile already.

As for the contents of the morning release, is he not aware of the ancient Chinese principle of the art of politics: “He Who Denied It, Supplied It”?