So I went to buy a soda from the hotel vending machine. Figure I could use a few quarters or maybe a dollar bill and I’m good.

Nope.

The machine doesn’t take coins, nor does it give change. It does take ATM cards (if it has a chip, mine doesn’t), Apple Pay (not sure how that works, I assume you have to own an iThing), credit cards (if it has a chip), or a special card you can buy from the hotel desk (for an additional 25¢).

A soda pop costs $1.25, so I could just use $2 (and get no change) or buy a card from the hotel desk (and cough up an additional 25¢).

The 25¢ is apparently an inconvenience charge for the hotel clerk.