I didn’t read the whole letter at David Frum’s blog yet, but what I read I found very disturbing, and not at all “brave”.
The way I understand it, the writer is basically talking to all those living with an abusive person, and he is telling them: “If your abusers hurt other people, if they don’t “heal”, then that’s because you did not love them enough.”
And he says that A. L. had evidence that this was the case; well, he explains, clearly not true evidence, but by saying that the mother was the last bulwark against this horror, and that other people succeeded where she failed, he is telling people who live with abusive relatives or partners, that they must be Ceasar’s wife, if they don’t want this to happen.
If they never give any reason, or excuse, for doubt, never seek outside help (“tried to get him commited”), never have other interests (“volunteered”), then they can magically be all the abuser needs to be a good person. No state interference necessary! Problem solved. And if it doesn’t work, then they didn’t love hard enough, and all that happens is on their head.
I’m not saying A.L.’s mother did right by him. I don’t know a thing about that, I’m just talking about what this letter writer describes.
I also find it pretty telling how much he emphasizes that all his troubles as a teenager were just a consequence of being so extremely smart; “look at me, I can do math in my head! Now do you get why I’m acting like an asshole, stupid ordinary person?”
I think this is an incredibly manipulative and dangerous message to send. Even if the writer is at this point no longer abusive in the way he describes, and even if, maybe, he never was, but really was just a rude and inconsiderate teenager who prefers to think of himself in more dramatic terms, I would discourage anyone from getting to close to him. This letter is a master piece in manipulation.
He creates a whole symphony of “authenticity” and “openness” and candid admission of guilt, but the lesson of the whole thing is: “I’m special, and no one should ever not treat me the way I deserve, or else!.”