Why I Parted Ways With The Right

Walter L. Newton11/30/2009 8:29:36 pm PST

re: #404 Alouette

“Hi, I’m Brad Pitt” doesn’t work unless you’re Brad Pitt (or you’re coming on to a really nearsighted girl)

Here’s a singles ad I put on Craigslist once…


Look ladies, I have a problem. I have a date tonight with a woman who is probably way over my dating standards. I mean, she’s a knockout and I’m… well… I’m a dreeb. I guess I have been playing around with Photoshop too much, but I did a little “fixing” to my picture, sent it to her and now she wants to meet at the Brown Palace tonight at 6:00pm.

My problem is, nothing is going right over here. I’m trying to get into a size 36 pants (I’m a 42), this “Just for Men” stuff must be “Just for Scientists” because I can’t get the color to come out right and I accidently dumped a bottle of Fabarge for Men all over myself. Can Fabreze get that smell off of me?

So, if ANY woman has ANY time to hurry over to my house and dress me, I would be in debt to you forever.

I am 31 years old, 32 inch waist, burnette hair, blue eyes, speak four languages, have a passport and private jet… oh boy… I can’t help myself.

Just email me and I’ll give you my address and phone number.


Brad Pitt (darn it… there I go again).