My daughter, the brat, just called to mention that she is in New Orleans and plans to pinch tails and suck heads tonight.

I told her that was alright, that when she was a child that I used to keep Oreos and ice cream in every cabinet that was too high for her to reach.

She said that was alright, that when I get too old and feeble to live on my own and had to move in with her that she intended to keep quality liquor and medical marijuana in a locked cabinet with unbreakable Plexiglas doors.

I’m calling a friend of mine down in Little Rock to see about buying one of those fancy battery powered lock picks.

I’ll show her.