Today’s presser will go one of two ways.

1. He reads a prepared statement in a monotone fashion, mispronouncing every other word (only if his staff has sufficiently sedated him).

2. He nationalizes Twitter, gives the military orders to shoot Americans who Trump deems insufficiently loyal, and schedules a time when he’ll shoot [fill in the blank] on 5th Avenue.

Not sure there’s any in-between at this point.