Trying to imagine the failed “intelligence” lessons for O’Keefe’s “Project Veritas” morons:

Instructor: Okay, so one important thing to remember …

Student: Hey, do we get fancy spy briefcases? You know, like James Bond carried?

Instructor: No, that’s just the movies. Now, again, it’s important that…

Student: What about drinks? I like Cosmos. Do I have to start drinking Vodka Martinis? I don’t like vermouth.

Instructor: No. Now, as I was sa…

Student: Watches! Do we get watches with lasers?

Instructor; NO! Now, class….

Student: Oooo! Oooo! Do we get to have sex with beautiful women? I’ve never had sex, so that’d be nice!

Instructor: STOP IT! There are no ‘spy drinks’, no special spy briefcases, no watches with lasers! And jesus, have NONE of you ever gotten laid?

Student: I got close once. My cousin let me feel her boob over her blouse…

Instructor: Christ. Okay, that’s enough for today! Let’s get a fresh start tomorrow.