I am torn. The unblinking, flame wreathed Eye of Sauron would be a great GOP pick, but Cthulhu has millions of enslaved, drooling cultists, and that is a huge advantage in the primary. Also, you can’t count out Lord Voldomort. The Dark Lord has a devilishly brilliant advisory team led by Bellatrix Lestrange and a killer (literally) instinct for insider influence. Nothing says “Victory!” like a cruciatus curse on the opposition!

So 2016 looks good for the GOP. Remember: Why vote for the lesser of two evils?