I always equated butthurt to the feeling you get during/after taking one of those thankfully rare but really huge, soul shattering shits. I’m talking about the kind of crap where you have to pause a third of the way though, take several deep breaths, and cogitate on your game plan and past dietary decisions.

And I have an uncle who got AIDS in prison, so it’s not like I react well to insinuations of forced sodomy.