I’ve commented before on the amazing literal mindedness of many Lubbockites. This is a striking component of the local culture, noticeable enough that visitors will often comment on it, always negatively. Many of the locals do not seem to understand any form of metaphor, satire, or irony other than blatantly insulting sarcasm. Indeed, ironic or satirical statements are often assumed to be insulting when they are not, simply because they are heard but not understood and the worst is assumed.
A good example is a Facebook FOAF (friend of a friend) I will call Mike the Literal. Last week I commented about what I thought was the bias of the Fox sports crew covering the Texas Tech football game. I suggested a conspiracy theory in which the Red Raiders’ terrible performance was the result of Fox operatives convincing the players they were actually appearing as the high school team in a TV comedy about a high school team that manages to get a game against a real college team. Mike the Literal proclaimed with great and sincere authority that this was wrong. He was not fooled at all. Today, before the Raider’s similarly miserable performance against Baylor, a friend posted a picture of a 1930s vintage leather football helmet, painted red, and announced that TTU would be introducing new helmets for the game. Mike the Literal responded condescendingly that this was not the case unless they intended to change helmets after they ran onto the field. Again, he was not fooled.
Would it surprise anyone to hear that Mike the Literal is a fundamentalist and once attended Jerry Falwell’s Liberty University? Lubbock is well known to be a fundy hotbed. I don’t have definitive proof but I strongly suspect a correlation between fundamentalist beliefs and obtuse literalism in everyday life.

Fundamentalism is a blight on human minds in so many ways, and I do mean that literally.