Fox News loon Todd Starnes is one of those right wingers so deranged that all you can do is laugh when he pens one of these incredibly stupid “opinion” pieces: A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to a Ham Sandwich.
Starnes is so consumed by his paranoid persecution fantasies, he can’t even go to the grocery store without encountering imaginary repression. I almost feel sorry for the guy; it must be miserable to be this obsessed.
I was about check out when I suddenly remembered that I needed some cheese.
So I made a beeline for the dairy aisle and that’s when I made a startling discovery. I brought my three-wheeled shopping cart to a screeching halt. I came face to face with a massive sign bearing giant letters.
It read: “HISPANIC CHEESE.”
I stared at the display for quite some time. I found myself drifting into an imaginary conversation with a store clerk…
“Do you need some help, sir?”
“Yes. Could you tell me where you keep the Caucasian cheese?”
“I’m sorry, sir but we don’t carry Caucasian cheese - although, we do have a rather nice selection of white cheddars.”
I was tempted to purchase some “Hispanic” cheese, but I feared retribution at the checkout counter. What if the clerk confronted me about trying to purchase a cheese that was contrary to my ethnicity?
Definitely the dumbest thing you’ll read this week.