Onion Special Report: Nation Successfully Completes Mother’s Day by 9:18 AM

That little sting you felt was the Onion hitting their target
5A Mom Anon
5/11/14 6:11:23 pm
re: #1 Pie-onist Overlord THANK YOU! My Husband seems to think I'm weird because breakfast in bed is just dumb. Unless I am hurt or otherwise immobilized, just. NO. And I do not want my manly ones, as much as ...

Onion Exclusive: Biologists Confirm God Evolved From Chimpanzee Deity

4/11/14 12:00:54 am
re: #58 Targetpractice I disagree with you entirely. We've used the nuclear option for nominations, so the R's can't filibuster. OTOH, there's a disturbingly good chance that 'wait 'til after the election' gives us 'oh, wait, now you can't go ...

Onion Video: Republicans Reach Out to Women With New ‘No Punch Pretty Lady’ Bill

Their own version of the Violence Against Women Act
2/22/13 9:56:52 am
re: #35 Lidane Thank you. I just had a gun control student in class end a paper with MOLON LABE! Now I at least know what the context was. I said nothing moral/religious. Apparently I should have realized that gun ...

Onion News: Psychiatrists Warn Nation’s Used Car Salesmen Going Insane

With prices this low, the nation’s used car salesmen must be out of their minds
254Aucun pays pour les vieux ennemis
2/01/13 6:53:45 am
re: #214 Kragar Regular Coke was one of the biggest reasons that I used to weigh 280lbs. Ditching that and candy-bars took me down to 225, which is about right for my height, and enabled me to do a lot ...