The Onion’s AV Club zeroes right in on the Mighty Greenwald: Glenn Greenwald Loves Sony, Now That They’ve Bought the Rights to His Edward Snowden Book.
This is how you do “scathing.”
“I’m very happy to be working with Amy Pascal, Doug Belgrad and the team at Sony Pictures Entertainment, who have a successful track record of making thoughtful and nuanced true-life stories that audiences want to see,” said Greenwald of the same executives he had previously accused of producing “the ultimate hagiography of the most secretive arm of America’s National Security State” when they made Zero Dark Thirty, but now heartily endorses, because they’re giving him lots of money.
“We are extremely proud that […] Glenn chose Sony to bring this riveting story to the big screen,” added Belgrad, president of Columbia Pictures, the Sony subsidiary Greenwald likened to the Nazi propaganda machine a year and a half ago, but which now owns the rights to Greenwald’s book.
Onion Special Report: NASA Discovers Planet Earth Just Might Be What It’s Been Searching for All Along
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After years of launching shuttles, probes, and telescopes to see what the universe had to offer, NASA says it’s ready to appreciate the planet right in front of it.
Gotta love it when The Onion trolls creationists: Biologists Confirm God Evolved From Chimpanzee Deity.
BERKELEY, CA—Challenging long-held views on the origins of divinity, biologists at the University of California, Berkeley, presented findings Thursday that confirm God, the Almighty Creator of the Universe, evolved from an ancient chimpanzee deity.
The recently discovered sacred ancestor, a divine chimp species scientists have named Pan sanctorum, reportedly gave rise over millions of years to the Lord Our God, Maker of Heaven and Earth.
“Although perhaps not obvious at first glance, there are actually overwhelming similarities between the Supreme Being of today and this early primate deity who preceded Him,” said Dr. Richard Kamen, a leading biologist who also heads Berkeley’s paleotheology department. “The holy chimp moved around on all fours, but its descendants eventually began walking upright to expend less energy while foraging across the infinite reaches of the universe. This of course led to the bipedalism of modern-day God.”
Music lovers are in Chicago’s Grant Park this weekend to engage with all of the hottest companies and corporate sponsors targeting their demographic.