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The Petraeus scandal is getting very weird tonight.

The rapidly unfolding saga of David Petraeus, Paula Broadwell, Jill Kelley and an unnamed FBI agent is getting trashier by the minute. The Wall Street Journal dropped a scoop on Monday evening with fresh details about the case, including a report of a man who sent shirtless photos of himself to Kelley, the accidental whistleblower. Believe it or not, the man sending sexy pics is not David Petraeus — you know, the guy that just got caught having an illicit affair with his too-fit biographer. It’s the FBI agent. 

But wait there’s more. Evidently, the FBI agent who opened an investigation into some harassing emails that Kelley, a friend of his from Florida, got a little too involved in the case. According to The Journal, the agent’s “supervisors soon became concerned that the initial agent might have grown obsessed with the matter, and prohibited him from any role in the investigation.” 

Meanwhile, the investigators who worked their way through a maze of anonymous email exchanges between Petraeus, Broadwell and Kelley ascertained that the former CIA director and his friend from Florida may have gotten romantically involved as well. One email described a night at dinner when the anonymous writer claimed to witness Kelley touching Petraeus “provocatively” under the table. “Provocatively” is WSJ’s word. We’re guessing the email was a little bit more specific with what was going on with the under-the-table touching.

Andrew Breitbart crony and CNN commentator Dana Loesch defends herself against criticism of her comments supporting desecrating corpses by spewing insults at her critics and calling it “Correcting the Progressive Spin on My Defense of the Marines.”

Because in Loesch’s twisted mind, only a “progressive” could possibly be appalled at US Marines urinating on dead bodies.

Yesterday on my radio show I discussed the topic of the Marines videotaping themselves urinating on dead Taliban fighters.

That’s only the first sentence, and she’s already trying to minimize what she said; in fact, she didn’t just “discuss the topic,” she praised the Marines and said she would “drop trou” and do the same thing herself.

For the record, here are Loesch’s actual words:

“Now we have a bunch of progressives that are talking smack about our military because there were marines caught urinating on corpses, Taliban corpses,” Loesch said during her radio program on FM News Talk 97.1. “Can someone explain to me if there’s supposed to be a scandal that someone pees on the corpse of a Taliban fighter? Someone who, as part of an organization, murdered over 3,000 Americans? I’d drop trou and do it too. That’s me though. I want a million cool points for these guys. Is that harsh to say? Come on people, this is a war. What do people think this is?”

The rest of today’s defensive rant is so predictable I could probably write it myself; she blames everything on progressives, liberals, and “pony-tailed academics,” and casts herself as a heroine of the average American.

It’s absurd to desecrate corpses but it’s not wrong to hate terrorists who are trying to kill our troops–and us. And I’m not in uniform–so I am free to express what a lot of Americans feel about the controversy, even if it makes some pony-tailed academics feel uncomfortable.

“Absurd” is the strongest word she can find for desecrating corpses?

If you actually read her vitriolic persecution fantasy, you’ll discover that she never actually defends what she said. (Probably because she can’t.) The entire article consists of nothing but attacks on her critics.

In contrast, here’s an opinion from someone who has actually served in the military (unlike Ms Loesch): Alex Lemons, a Marine sergeant who was a scout sniper in Iraq.

If you aren’t surprised and disgusted by this as a combatant, veteran or as a civilian whose country has been at war for a decade, then maybe you need to take a look in the mirror. Have you become this callous?

[…]

The Marine Corps doesn’t teach anyone to do this.

Choices were made and they were not good ones. This is what maintains our moral high ground. It doesn’t matter if the Taliban cut heads off and videotape them.

The whole point, as I was told since 2001, was not to become like them, or to be comparable to them.

As usual, right wing blogs are taking all the wrong lessons from Herman Cain’s downfall. For example: The Moral of the Herman Cain Story | Power Line.

What happened to Herman Cain is what the Democrats intend to do to whoever the Republican nominee turns out to be. They know they can’t win a debate on the economy or on President Obama’s record, so they will do everything they can to distract the voters’ attention from those matters, which should be decisive, and instead turn the focus to the GOP candidate and his or her alleged foibles.

Strange; I can’t remember any Democrats making much of a statement about Herman Cain’s numerous alleged sexual improprieties. As far as I know, President Obama never mentioned the issue at all.

Herman Cain’s wounds weren’t inflicted by “Democrats,” but by his own amazing incompetence on many issues, and his evasive and frankly creepy attempts to divert attention away from his own behavior with crude misogynistic attacks on his female accusers. He didn’t need any Democrats to point these things out — they were obvious to anyone except a right wing blogger.

In the end, it wasn’t his stunning bigotry, total ignorance of foreign affairs, or laughable economic ideas that brought down Herman Cain. It was a consensual affair between two adults.

But at least he went out on a note of pure class, with a profound quote from Donna Summer’s theme song for “Pokémon: The Movie 2000.”

So ends perhaps the most hilarious chapter ever in the saga of right wing politics.

There’s a live video feed at C-SPAN of the Herman Cain rally at which he’s going to announce that he just saved a bundle on car insurance: Live video coverage.

Right now, of course, there’s a Teabagger dressed up in pantaloons and a tricorne hat, with a really bad fake British accent, reading the Declaration of Independence. Classic.

The bail-out: “As of today, I am suspending my presidential campaign because of the continued distraction.”

And in one of the most incredible moments ever in right wing politics, Cain ended (er, “suspended”) his candidacy with a quote from the Pokemon movie: “Just look inside and you will find just what you can do.” Wheee!

If you were wondering why Cain “suspended” instead of “ended,” this way he can legally continue to receive federal matching funds for a nonexistent campaign all through 2012.

Those “four happy, diverse women holding their thumbs up” have vanished from Herman Cain’s website tonight, leaving a rather conspicuous (yet somehow symbolic) empty space: Women For Herman Cain.

Before:

After:

Yes, tomorrow looks like it will be a grim day for Herman Cain; here’s NBC’s David Gregory reporting that a source close to Cain says he’s bailing out tomorrow.

Meanwhile, according to the Daily Beast’s Allison Samuels, sources close to Cain’s family say the allegations of sexual misconduct have shaken his marriage.

The Cain campaign denied any strife in the marriage, but one campaign worker speaking anonymously said that Cain doesn’t want to quit because he doesn’t want to be seen as a loser.

No matter what happens to Cain’s presidential aspirations, sources close to his family say the accusations of infidelity have already taken a significant toll on an already strained marriage.

A close friend of one Cain’s two children explained that Herman and Gloria Cain’s marriage has seen its share of trouble over the years and his attraction to other women always played a huge role in the friction.

“It never felt like a real marriage when I was around them,’’ says the friend. “Mostly he was always gone and his wife seemed to be OK with it. Not being together seemed the norm for their marriage, and Gloria didn’t seem to mind. His kids didn’t seem to mind either. ’’

The friend noted that when Cain was around, he seemed completely in his own world.

The bizarre Herman Cain story of the day is the new Women For Herman Cain page at his website, an initiative supposedly launched by his wife to enlist the aid of an “online national fellowship of women” to support Cain. And by “support” I mean “viciously attack Cain’s female accusers.”

The logo shows four happy young women holding their thumbs up:

Where did the Cains find this perfectly diverse group of happy young women who support him? Shutterstock.com: “Four Happy Young Women Holding Their Thumbs Up:”

This unbelievably creepy page features testimonials from random women, attacking Cain’s accusers as “vindictive, unstable, husbandless stalkers:”

Barbara Dayan
NIPOMO, CA

“Dear Mrs. Cain Don’t pay attention to these pathetic husbandless women who are jealous of women like you in happy long-term marriages. These vindictive women can’t find a husband or keep one. They are like stalkers who try to latch on to any man who shows a bit of kindness or attention to them. When these unstable women come out of the woodwork to make accusations about Herman just say, “Honey, get a life, I believe my husband.” We want you to be our First Lady Mrs. Cain!”

Posted: December 2, 2011 at 12:49 am

And then, this freakish post, from “California, CA:”

Adrienne (Caos) Sinclair
CALIFORNIA, CA

“Dear Mr Cain many years ago I find this not so unique for christians I knew a man Charles in died at 54 i knew him and and his wife and they were beautiful from the heart christians. at one point in my live i was going to lose my home and well he heard about it, so me at Maass and told me Adrinne I want you to go down to the bank Monday and there wil be a check for 40.000 dollars. I told him I dont know how in the world i would pay it back and he just said don.t worry you are young and you have your whole live to pass a blessing on to someone else, At any rate he died at 54 of a heart attack and when I went to the funeral I was not surprised to see at least 500 or more people at his funeral and I went up to his wife and she told me has helped so many people his whole life and I looked in those green eyes with flowing tears and I said I was one of those people! she looked at me and just hugged me and said you know he would always keep his giving between God and himself, I said yes not for others to see. That was a long time ago and it is funny and it is so normal men who have that kind of heart, My dad would give a waitress 100 dollar tips and I just thought since I was a child that was normal, giving unconditional that is true Christianity and I get Herman Cain and A president who will save the Republic, I wish there are more Herman Cains they don’t show up at big benefits they give and only God can see, that is real to me,,, yes and I have had a life where I can give even when it hurt to women men children, that was a good lesson to learn where only God can see>”

Posted: December 2, 2011 at 2:23 am

Sometimes, the only word that seems appropriate is “Wow.”

Herman Cain’s latest ad is a real howler, as he claims he’s been vindicated of the charges of sexual harassment and affairs by “one of the foremost lie detector experts.”

But this “lie detector expert,” as we pointed out November 10th, is actually a private investigator who also happens to be a donor to Cain’s campaign.

He’s no “lie detector expert,” either, and he didn’t give Cain a polygraph test, although the ad hopes you’re dumb enough to believe that. He recorded one of Cain’s press conferences and ran it through a bogus “voice stress analysis” program, then declared Cain vindicated.

This is sheer pitiful desperation, folks. Who’s Herman Cain trying to fool at this point — America, or his wife?

Related:
Official CainTruth.com Website Attacks Herman Cain’s Accusers