American Family Association spokesman Bryan Fischer helpfully explains that Satan chooses to activate his influence over mankind when the moon is full.

Snark fails me.

The Catholic Church is looking for some good men to fight off an invasion of disembodied malevolent entities.

Citing a shortage of priests who can perform the rite, the nation’s Roman Catholic bishops are holding a conference on how to conduct exorcisms.

The two-day training, which ends today in Baltimore, is to outline the scriptural basis of evil, instruct clergy on evaluating whether a person is truly possessed, and review the prayers and rituals that comprise an exorcism. Among the speakers will be Cardinal Daniel DiNardo, archbishop of Galveston-Houston, Texas, and a priest-assistant to New York Archbishop Timothy Dolan.

More than 50 bishops and 60 priests signed up to attend, according to Catholic News Service, which first reported the event. The conference was scheduled for just ahead of the fall meeting of the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops, which starts Monday in Baltimore.

Despite strong interest in the training, skepticism about the rite persists within the American church. Organizers of the event are keenly aware of the ridicule that can accompany discussion of the subject. Exorcists in U.S. dioceses keep a very low profile. In 1999, the church updated the Rite of Exorcism, cautioning that “all must be done to avoid the perception that exorcism is magic or superstition.”

Magic? Superstition? You mean there are people who don’t believe that invisible creatures from the Hell Dimension can take possession of human beings, and can only be defeated with the proper incantations? Where are we, in the Dark Ages or something?

In one of the world’s richest theocratic countries, an outbreak of pesky spirits leads to legal action.

A family in Saudi Arabia is taking a “genie” to court, accusing it of theft and harassment, reports say.

They accuse the spirit of threatening them, throwing stones and stealing mobile phones, Al Watan newspaper said. The family have lived in the same house near the city of Medina for 15 years but say they only recently became aware of the spirit. They have now moved out.

A local court is investigating. In Islamic theology, genies are spirits that can harass or possess humans.

“We began to hear strange sounds,” the head of the family, who come from Mahd Al Dahab, told the Saudi daily. He did not want to be named. “At first we did not take it seriously, but then stranger things started to happen and the children got particularly scared when the genie started throwing stones.”

He added: “A woman spoke to me first, and then a man. They said we should get out of the house.”

A local court says it is trying to verify the truthfulness of the claims “despite the difficulty” of doing so.

Because we all know how difficult it can be to prosecute a genie.

I’m all for waging war against Satan, you know, metaphorically. But according to the Daily Mail, the Vatican is taking the concept … uh … literally: Pope’s exorcist squads will wage war on Satan. It might be cool if James Woods was the leader.

The Daily Mail illustrates their article with the inevitable, inexorable photo from The Exorcist.

(Hat tip: Tammy Bruce.)

UPDATE at 12/29/07 3:18:09 pm:

According to UPI, the Vatican is already denying this wacky report: Vatican denies exorcist expansion.

VATICAN CITY, Dec. 29 (UPI) — The Vatican is denying reports it plans to install more exorcists around the world so possessed people can get help quickly.

“Pope Benedict XVI has no intention of ordering local bishops to bring in garrisons of exorcists to fight demonic possession,” Vatican spokesman Federico Lombardi told reporters in Rome Friday.

On Thursday, the Roman Catholic Web site Petrus said the pope planned to install more exorcists in every diocese next year and reintroduce a prayer during mass to St. Michael the Archangel, believed to be the prime protector against evil, The Telegraph in Britain reported Saturday.

Paolo Scarafoni, a priest at Vatican University who teaches how to recognize and expel Satan, said exorcists increasingly are in demand because devil worship has become so common, reported ANSA, the Italian news agency. “Priests are being bombarded,” Scarafoni told ANSA.

It’s hard to tell from the article, but it sounds as if the Vatican University’s Satanic expulsion instructor may have been responsible for the rumor.