TwitterFacebook

Iowahawk Exclusive: Midwest Peace Breakthrough

• Views: 3,620

We have huge news tonight from Iowahawk’s alternate reality wire service: the Lutheran militia has released their hostages and a wave of peace is washing across the Midwest.

WALCOTT, IOWA - Clad in civilian Reeboks and Gem sweaters, clutching pink gift bags filled with hot Maid Rites and souvenir Herky the Hawkeye Beanie Babies, over three dozen smiling British Royal Marines waved for cameras and boarded a London-bound RAF bus this morning in the parking lot of Walcott’s sprawling Iowa 80 Truck Stop.

The surprise morning release of the 38 sailors and marines ended a tense three-day standoff between the British government and a breakaway Lutheran militia group that controls large swaths of the notorious “Manure Triangle” region spanning Iowa, Minnesota and Wisconsin.

Ian Rumpsworthy, the diminutive baby-faced former captive who won the hearts of millions as Britain’s “Littlest Marine,” embraced Pastor Duane Gunderson around the waist and emotionally thanked the insurgent Lutheran strongman for approving his release.

“I only hope I wasn’t too much trouble for you sir,” said Rumpsworthy, choking back tears. “If you are ever in Phlegmfordshire, I insist you do pop by for tea and scones.”

As he skipped and cartwheeled off to the waiting double-decker, a beaming Rumpsworthy turned to BBC cameras and shouted, “Look mum! Weeee! I’m a hero!”

^ back to top ^

TwitterFacebook

Turn off all ads for a full year by subscribing!
For about 33 cents a day (per month) or 22 cents a day (per year), our subscription option turns off all advertisements at LGF!
Read more...

► LGF Headlines

  • Loading...

► Tweeted Articles

  • Loading...

► Tweeted Pages

  • Loading...

► Top 10 Comments

  • Loading...

► Bottom Comments

  • Loading...

► Recent Comments

  • Loading...

► Tools/Info

► Tag Cloud

► Contact

You must have Javascript enabled to use the contact form.
Your email:

Subject:

Message:


Messages may be published unless you request otherwise.
Tech Note:
Using the Contact Form
LGF Pages

This button leads to the main index of LGF Pages, our user-submitted articles. You can post your own LGF Pages simply by registering a free account with us.

Create a Page

This is the LGF Pages posting bookmarklet. To use it, drag this button to your browser's bookmark bar, and title it 'LGF Pages' (or whatever you like). Then browse to a site you want to post, select some text on the page to use for a quote, click the bookmarklet, and the Pages posting window will appear with the title, text, and any embedded video or audio files already filled in, ready to go.

Or... you can just click this button to open the Pages posting window right away.

Last updated: 2014-03-07 2:19 pm PST

LGF User's Guide
Recent Pages
Indy GOP Refugee
Whose Afraid Of The Big Bad Micro-Drone?
When I think of proposals for rules to fly drones, I think of how different reality is from administrative agency perceptions. For example the news still cites a story about a phantom DJI sized drone allegedly menacing a police helicopter. ...

2 hours, 46 minutes ago
Views: 62 • Comments: 0
Tweets: 0 • Rating: 0
Ace-o-aces
Chuckles now smearing 12 year-old Tamir Rice.
So somebody already found Tamir's Father's criminal record? Well CCJ has is Mother's: #TamirRice Mom Had Illegal Weapon Charge, Criminal Record http://t.co/YDVPl1ogm4 pic.twitter.com/3gs5jfsoat— Got News (@GotNewsDotCom) November 28, 2014 Like Mother, Like Son? RT #TamirRice Mom Had Illegal Weapon Charge, ...

2 hours, 55 minutes ago
Views: 127 • Comments: 2
Tweets: 6 • Rating: 3
Randall Gross
Pregnant St. Louis Woman Loses Left Eye After Police Officer Shoots Non-Lethal Round at Car
A pregnant St. Louis woman lost her left eye after a violent run-in with law enforcement earlier this week. Dornnella Conners says an officer fired a non-lethal bean-bag round at the car she was in - shattering the passenger ...

3 hours, 31 minutes ago
Views: 111 • Comments: 1
Tweets: 0 • Rating: 1
The Vicious Fergushka
The Scientific Explanation of Why People Kill Each Other Over TVs on Black Friday
More: The Scientific Explanation of Why People Kill Each Other Over TVs on Black Friday What causes people to kick, shove and even stab each other on Black Friday? Each year there are reports of violence during the Black Friday ...

4 days, 4 hours ago
Views: 539 • Comments: 6
Tweets: 7 • Rating: 2
Skip Intro
Anti-Gay Hate Preacher Accidentally Tweets 4,000 Followers Cartoon Clip of Him ‘Confessing’ to Be a ‘Homosexual Sodomite’
Adam Reakes Promotes Truth That Starbucks Markets Semen Laced Lattes http://t.co/RY06dEEb0I— James David Manning (@DrJamesDManning) November 20, 2014

4 days, 6 hours ago
Views: 705 • Comments: 0
Tweets: 0 • Rating: 1
Lumberhead
One Man Should Not Dictate Immigration Policy
Well played. You know, the more I mull over the Republican complaint about how immigration reform is being implemented, the more I sympathize with them. Public policy, especially on big, hot button issues like immigration shouldn't be made by one ...

5 days ago
Views: 473 • Comments: 6
Tweets: 0 • Rating: 7
teleskiguy
“Chelsea Hotel” performed by Tal Wilkenfeld
I first saw Austrailian bass player Tal Wilkenfeld play with Jeff Beck (not live, mind you. On YouTube) and was amazed at her skills and chops. She was only 20 when she scored that gig. She's coming into her own ...

6 days, 21 hours ago
Views: 332 • Comments: 0
Tweets: 0 • Rating: 5
FemNaziBitch
History of Laws Concerning Immigration and Naturalization in the United States -WIKI
The United States Constitution was adopted on September 17, 1787. Article I, section 8, clause 4 of the Constitution expressly gives the United States Congress the power to establish a uniform rule of naturalization.[1] Pursuant to this power, Congress ...

1 week ago
Views: 452 • Comments: 1
Tweets: 1 • Rating: 3
MichaelJ
COMFORTABLY NUMB - Peahi Nov 12 on Vimeo
Channel angle of the Nov 12th swell at Peahi.

1 week, 3 days ago
Views: 587 • Comments: 0
Tweets: 1 • Rating: 2
Romantic Heretic
Money Makes Us Less Rational
Here's an interesting article on scientific studies that demonstrate how rationality and empathy break down is the presence of large amounts of money.

1 week, 6 days ago
Views: 796 • Comments: 2
Tweets: 0 • Rating: 2
 Frank says:

Sopranos!? That's why God made the rocket launcher and grenade!