TwitterFacebook

Iowahawk: London Swings Like a Scimitar Do

• Views: 6,772

Iowahawk (or his British doppelganger) just happened to be in London (what are the odds?) today, and since he knows where all the good trashbins are (it’s that journalistic instinct) he discovered the first draft of Michael Hodges’ piece for Timeout London: London’s Swinging Again - Like a Scimitar!

Islam — it’s the capital’s hottest lifestyle trend! A growing religion, based on noble traditions and compassionate principles, yet infidels sometimes get the wrong impression because of ignorance and misunderstanding and the occasional subway bomb. Here Time Out argues that an Islamic London would be ab fab!

The expectant crowd ululates as the open-backed lorry drives slowly around the Picadilly Circus – known since the Islamic revolution of 2021 as The Mohammad Sidique Khan Roundabout – nudges its way through the thousands gathered. The loudspeakers blare: “Good news! By order of Sultan Charles, Islamic RAF bombers have finally destroyed the criminal Zionist entity!” The lorry spills a load of Cadbury bars in the street and the celebration erupts, with cheers of ‘Allahu akbar’ …

Farfetched? According to current demographic trends, this sweets-filled celebration is only part of the fun awaiting future Londoners with Islam becoming the hottest trend to hit the city since Beatlemania. Unfortunately, like the rock ‘n’ roll Teddy Boys of the 50’s, the scootering Mods of the 60’s, and the safety pinned-Punks of 70’s, London’s cutting-edge Islamic fashionistas are causing panic and hysteria among uptight Tory squares. Loosen up daddy-o, it’s time to set the record straight about Britain’s Fab Four Million!

For a start, Islam is not an alien religion to London. At the end of World War I the city sat at the heart of a vast Empire that had 160 million Muslim subjects. Forty years later and the end of that Empire, mass immigration brought millions of Muslims to these shores. Today, London has made a dramatic comeback and is poised once again to be the seat of a new Empire with millions of Muslim subjects. Well done, England!

According to the 2001 census there are 607,083 Muslims living in London (310,477 males and 296,606 sub-males). By 2012, the Muslim Council of Britain estimates that the Muslim population of suburbs like Bennyhill, Fishwife, Swineham Forest and Snotney will be 250,000, not counting the lads who will be in Pakistan training for martyrdom operations.

This growth has strained London’s mosques, many of which have come dangerously close to male-female prayer contact due to overcrowding. Luckily there are plans afoot to build the UKs biggest mosque – capable of welcoming 40,000 worshippers – near the 2012 Olympic site, which itself could also make an even bigger mosque if you think about it. This has prompted predictable outrage from some of Fleet Street’s reactionary and ill-informed tabloids. No wonder Muslim disillionment and explosion are at an all time high.

But rather than fear the inevitable changes and possible detonations this will bring to London, or buy in to a racist representation of all Muslims as terrorists, we should recognise both what Islam has given this city already, and the advantages it would bring across a wide range of areas in the future.

^ back to top ^

TwitterFacebook

Turn off all ads for a full year by subscribing!
Take advantage of our yearly subscription, and save 50% off the normal subscription price! One-year ad-free subscriptions are just $59.95. Turn off all ads for a full year by subscribing now and save!
Read more...

► LGF Headlines

  • Loading...

► Tweeted Articles

  • Loading...

► Tweeted Pages

  • Loading...

► Top 10 Comments

  • Loading...

► Bottom Comments

  • Loading...

► Recent Comments

  • Loading...

► Tools/Info

► Tag Cloud

► Contact

You must have Javascript enabled to use the contact form.
Your email:

Subject:

Message:


Messages may be published unless you request otherwise.
Tech Note:
Using the Contact Form
LGF Pages

This button leads to the main index of LGF Pages, our user-submitted articles. You can post your own LGF Pages simply by registering a free account with us.

Create a Page

This is the LGF Pages posting bookmarklet. To use it, drag this button to your browser's bookmark bar, and title it 'LGF Pages' (or whatever you like). Then browse to a site you want to post, select some text on the page to use for a quote, click the bookmarklet, and the Pages posting window will appear with the title, text, and any embedded video or audio files already filled in, ready to go.

Or... you can just click this button to open the Pages posting window right away.

Last updated: 2015-04-18 5:26 pm PDT

LGF User's Guide
Recent Pages
FemNaziBitch
Carly Fiorina’s Stance on Abortion Is Set in Stone & She Believes Most Americans Will Agree
Now that the GOP has its first official female candidate for the 2016 presidential nomination, she is now under our collective gaze. While the media will surely be dissecting Carly Fiorina inside out, let's start with one of the ...

51 minutes ago
Views: 53 • Comments: 0
Tweets: 1 • Rating: 0
Thanos
What Was the Venus de Milo Doing With Her Arms?
The Venus de Milo is a paradox: the embodiment of beauty, yet disfigured. And she is a puzzle, gazing serenely at something we cannot see, something once held, we assume, by her missing arms. "La Vénus de Milo est ...

11 hours, 7 minutes ago
Views: 141 • Comments: 1
Tweets: 0 • Rating: 0
Cheechako
Biologists Report First Wild Bison Birth in Alaska in at Least a Century
Suzanna CaldwellAlaska News DispatchMay 1, 2015 Biologists monitoring the new Innoko River wood bison herd got a pleasant surprise last month during an aerial survey of the animals: a bison calf, the first born in the wild in at least ...

2 days, 23 hours ago
Views: 270 • Comments: 1
Tweets: 0 • Rating: 4
Romantic Heretic
The United States of Amnesia
My news aggregator found this interesting article about how the US has no history. Which brings this cartoon to mind.

3 days, 11 hours ago
Views: 337 • Comments: 2
Tweets: 0 • Rating: 3
Lumberhead
David Simon on Baltimore’s Anguish
It's long but definitely worth the time. Simon sends some flak in Martin O'Malley's direction and that will probably get some attention due to presidential politics. I thought the following passage was important to highlight but the whole thing is ...

5 days, 5 hours ago
Views: 383 • Comments: 0
Tweets: 15 • Rating: 4
No Country For Old Haters
Partridge Family’s Youngest Daughter Dies — Suzanne Crough Dead at 52
The youngest "Partridge Family" star Suzanne Crough died Monday at her home in Nevada ... TMZ has learned. Crough starred as the tambourine-shaking daughter Tracy Partridge ... during the classic sitcom's run from 1970 to 1974. She was 52 ...

6 days, 2 hours ago
Views: 504 • Comments: 1
Tweets: 1 • Rating: 0
palmerskiss
Jonah Goldberg’s Dog Is A Manchurian Liberal Plant
@JonahNRO your dog is obviously a liberal facist homo-feminazi — palmerkiss (@palmerkiss) April 27, 2015 I admit, I'd buy his dog a drink and share war stories. Secretly hoping it's a Schnauzer.

1 week ago
Views: 692 • Comments: 1
Tweets: 50 • Rating: 1
EiMitch
Cracked: 5 Things You Won’t (Want to) Believe I Saw Guarding US Nukes
cracked.com If there happens to be anyone reading LGF who opposes nuclear disarmament for any reason, you probably need to know that our doomsday arsenal is less secure than a revolving door in a prison. I'm just saying that we're ...

1 week, 1 day ago
Views: 617 • Comments: 1
Tweets: 0 • Rating: 0
Higgs Boson's Mate
Sleeping Bear Dunes shipwrecks spotted by helicopter patrol
LEELANAU COUNTY, MI -- A Northern Michigan Coast Guard helicopter crew on routine patrol captured some excellent images of the shipwrecks that dot the waters off Sleeping Bear Dunes National Lakeshore. The Traverse City-based crew posted six photos on ...

1 week, 6 days ago
Views: 696 • Comments: 1
Tweets: 2 • Rating: 6
CriticalDragon1177
Skepchick - Ad Hominem Fallacy: A Lesson for Sea World ( Video )
Rebecca Watson takes on Sea World, and their attacks on John Hargrove. She takes them to task for attacking him, rather than even trying to refute his allegations, and in the process gives us a lesson in critical thinking. Read ...

2 weeks ago
Views: 999 • Comments: 0
Tweets: 40 • Rating: 3
 Frank says:

It has never mattered to me that thirty million people might think I'm wrong. The number of people who thought Hitler was right did not make him right... Why do you necessarily have to be wrong jus because a few million people think you are? -- Why they don't play my stuff on the radio
From the Real Frank Zappa Book (1989 Poseidon Press)