Play the Pokemon theme song. They will go crazy!!!

Making them watch barney is way out of line, no one deserves that sort of terrible punishment!

I hope they don’t increase their torture potency by playing Disney movies *shudder*

Some of that is clearly crule and inhuman. I think if they stick to the kiddy songs the liberal left would not have a leg to stand on.

The Chicken Dance. Over and over. And make them do the moverments.

On second thought, no. That's just cruel and unusual. But then again, these are unusual times.

oh man i cannot stop laughing...

they should make them watch japanese (?) cartoons that cause seizures!!!

"I love you, you love me, we're a great big family.."

Please stop it, in the name of all that is holy, i'll tell you anything, WMD sure I'll take y right to the spot...

I wonder how they would react to the "hamster dance" song?

Cheryl Crowe on the autoharp would also work.

They're saving the William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy pop renderings for the hardcore prisoners.

IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL!
IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL!
IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL!
IT'S A SMALL, SMALL WORLD!

In honor of our tough Digger allies, I recommend we also play The Wiggles.

Maybe Nobby or Brum for the UK

(Yes I have two small children, why do you ask?)

Hesiod already has a post up saying it's a violation of the Geneva Convention. Copy/paste and scroll down to "I Love You, You Love Me":

*[Link: counterspin.blogspot.com...]

He might be kidding--it's hard to tell--but it wouldn't be out of character if he isn't.

This is why I maintain a strictly Barney-free household.

Perhaps they should be forced to watch Telletubbies 24/7.

Reminds me of a Second City skit I saw in Toronto years ago, so funny I still remember the words:

I hate you, you hate me
Let's get a gun and kill Barney
Then a shot rang out and Barney hit the floor
No more purple dinosaur

Look, if they were really serious about this they'd be playing the theme songs from Gilligan's Island or Green Acres or maybe even...The Brady Bunch.

No. No, never mind. I didn't say that.

am I reading scrappleface?

Making anybody listen to Barney is a crime against humanity.

Dear God, what’s next? America's 'Horse With No Name?'

I can't stop laughing! (I just know I'm going to giggle about that all day).

How about inviting Great White to play at the detention center, fireworks and props included. But methinks that would be too cruel.

#13 Solomon X

Perhaps they should be forced to watch Telletubbies 24/7.

Just what I was thinking. They'll be blabbing where OBL and Sadd*mn very quickly.

Now here's a jihad we can all support...

Dear God, what’s next? America's 'Horse With No Name?'

Sure Charles, sure. Go on. Blame America first!

Yoko Ono siinging Revolution 9, anyone? A one and a two...

Shrewsbury: Actually, one of the most memorable parties I attended in my 20's culminated with a bunch of us (under the influence, of course) on a rooftop terrace in Manhattan Beach overlooking the Pacific at 3 AM singing every one of those theme songs (and others) to see if we could remember all the words. I'm surprised the neighbors didn't shoot us.

So, I have some fondness for them.

#11, monkeyboy,

They'd surely crack at the 30th or so rendition of "Yummy Yummy, Fruit Salad" or "Dorothy the Dinosaur."

But, how about 9999 Bottles of Beer on the Wall? Combined with the religious implications, that oughta do it.

Does anyone know, what is happening on the Arab version of Sesame Street these days?

I feel the pain of these mistreated prisoners. They are in the same position that ordinary citizens of American cities cannot escape from, when the local arts mafia lavishes taxpayer dollars on some self-proclaimed composer to gum up the airwaves with sensitive self-expressions.

But of course, I always strive for even more sensitivity myself. At no expense to the taxpayers, I would be glad to record some caring and multicultural music upon the fiddle and 5-string banjo, and would offer it to those evil military interrogaters to mitigate the suffering of their innocent prisoners.

Hey, I like "Horse With No Name". I don't hate it, anyway.

As for interrogation music, I think the defunct television show Millenium hit upon a winning formula in one episode; an all-instrumental version of "Blue, Blue, My World is Blue", over and over.

Crash Test Dummies, anyone?

Not the group, I mean.

I mean actually use them as crash test dummies.

Gotta be careful with the teletubbies...

these nutsoids might think it was a depiction of the afterlife:

"Oh - I want the red one!"

im sorry if that sickened anyone - it was meant to be funny.

I think they should just keep playing one of those "Old Navy" commercial over and over again. Those commercials would drive anyone koo-koo 4 coco-puffs.

Barney should be enough for even a former KGB agent to break down in uncontrolled sobbing- if not, tellatubbys would do it for sure.

piglet #25;

Does anyone know, what is happening on the Arab version of Sesame Street these days?

The last I heard, Ernie and Bert had been executed by having a wall toppled onto them. And don't even ask about that brazen, face-exposing, non-hallal Miss Piggy.

Barney? Man, that's harsh. I'd confess about anything to put an end to that.

can't we just play something like "greatest hippie hits of the 60's?"

Time to roll out the really big gun:

We had joy
We had fun
We had seasons in the sun...

Damn, I'm a vicious bastard.

American Pie

Clearly this is a Zionist plot to take over the world.

I'm... too sexy for this cell,
too sexy for this cell,
I'm sexy as Hell!

If you don’t talk, we’re going to bring out the Anthrax.

Mr. Holland's Opus.

(Don't blame me, Occasional Reader started it...again).

Oops, I did it again
I spilled all my guts! Gave up Saddam Hussein!
Ooh bay-beh bay-beh
Oops, I'm down on my knees
You want WMDs?
Just TURN THAT RACKET OFF, yeah-yeah-yeah...

Fay: can I help it if I've created an LGF cultural meme? (As I think they're now called)

I'm sure the producers of Barney will be really glad to know that their music is used as a weapon by the US military. lol

Reportedly, a number of Shiites took a liking to Eric Dolphy, so the troops had to remove it from the playlist.

How about some Barbra Streisand? That would drive me nuts in about 15 minutes.

[Link: www.time.com...]

Sesame street around the world

WHO Dafi and Haneen, Jewish and Arab friends on Rechov Sumsum/Shara'a Simsim, Israel and Palestine
WHAT Understanding
MIGHT SAY Wanna play?

WHO Khokha, a knowledge-hungry she-monster on Alam Simsim, Egypt
WHAT Coaxing girls to go to school and excel there
MIGHT SAY Cleopatra spoke nine languages!

heh. Do you suppose the Metallica setlist included "The God That Failed?"

How about 1812 Overture but light off splodeydopes (safe distance from any human beings) instead of cannons?

#48

Only if you shoot them out of cannons, otherwise you wouldn’t get the right boom sound.

Now, if you made sure the splodey belts had the right mixture of explosives on timers, when you shot them out of cannons you would not only get the right boom, but the accompanying fireworks.

How about "Muskrat Love" to break down the resistance of the toughest cases.

If all else fails, 24-hr/day, 7 days/week exposure to the "Macarena" might do the trick. But Barney really should be quite sufficient.

#42 OR

LOL!

Three words:

"Cat Scratch Fever!"

If we really wanted to get mean, we would make them listen to the entire Barry Manilow catalog.

Best all-purpose morale-killing song? "Afternoon Delight" by Starland Vocal Band.

Let's see, ya got yer sugary music, yer skyrockets in flight, yer overarching need to cut your ears off... assuming Saddam hasn't already, of course.

Hell, some things are too cruel even for suspected terrorists and mass murderers. Still, if we really wanted to get them to talk, just keep playing "Top Hits of the 1970s" over and over, with breaks for Barney and Disney music. The 1970s produced some of the worst music EVER.

The Night Chicago Died
Kung Fu Fighting
Damned near anything disco
Seasons in the Sun
At 17 (music to slit your wrists by)

and the hits keep on coming.

OT but... the new phone book is here! The new phone book is here! Which is to say, LGF got a hat tip by Taranto today.

[Link: www.opinionjournal.com...]

Andrew (#45)

I'm with you on Barbra Streisand (except I'd only last about 5 minutes, 7 minutes tops).

This can't be true. These people have Arab music and Islamic chants, the most hypnotically dementia-inducing musical torture ever created, after Ravi Shankar. What's Metallica to do?

Hey, how about Ren & Stimpy's theme song "Happy Happy Joy Joy" song? That should really be added to the hit list.

I always thought a power- ballad sung by Celine Dionne and Michael Bolton would be punishment.

Or how about photos Roesanne Barr in full dom. garb?

Would someone please tell Clark to SHUT THE FUCK UP??????

God who the hell actually listens to his crap????

Hey RAMSEYS the second...do me a favor and shave your ass and walk backwards. That way we can really hear you speak. You filthy pig.

I hate you. I hate everything about you. Hate is such a strong, but in this case it is appropriate. Fuck off!

Andrew B

#61 You owe me a new trash can. Gack!

We are only one river. We are only one sea.
And it flows through you, and it flows through me...

-Peter, Paul, and Mary, as sung on "Airplane"

Horse With No Name?

One of my favorite songs.

I always knew I hated Ramsay Clark.

:)

Barney The Singing Dinosaur

This Zionolizardian Conspiracy is Super-Dee-Duper!!!

OT - Steven Den Beste hit the big time today with a full Op Ed piece in the Wall Street Journal.

The Digital Warrior

Way to go, Steven!

You know, we might just have hit on a reason for tin foil brigade. THESE are the folks who were sat down infront of the TV when they were kids to watch Sesame Streed but not cartoons because there was too much violence. They weren't allowed to go out and play with the other kids because cowboys and indians glorified violence.

I would suggest a video of the "Singing Senators." Just watching a snippet on the news (during the Jeffords fiasco -- innocent days, weren't they?) was more than I could bear.

Other suggestions:

- "You're Anti-Social" by Anthrax
- "Some Guys Have All the Luck" by Rod Stewart
- "Big Bottom" by Spinal Tap
- The title music to South Park
- Anything by Phil Collins

#62

Unless I'm mistaken, the "quote" from Ramsey Clark was a joke from Charles.

My fraternity, during "Hell Week" used the same techniques on pledges, only with "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" and Yoko Ono. It was very effective. The worst one was a special tape designed to teach parrots to talk.

I somehow don't think Metallica would work.

#25 Piglet
Does anyone know, what is happening on the Arab version of Sesame Street these days?

Kermit was arrested by the IDF after urging a crowd of Muppets to run amok and knock the stuffing out of others in the West Sesame Street, Miss Piggy was immediately executed by by the Muslim religious police for being porcine and for dishonoring her family for consorting with a frog, Cookie Monster was caught smuggling Oreos and is serving time in an Israeli prison and finally, Oscar the Grouch exploded prematurely in an unfortunate "work accident".

niall,

i always though if we captured OBL the following would be fitting for him ;

OBL is stripped and tied down in a crouched position in a cell, along comes Roesanne in full dom. gear with an enormous strap on. In her loudest voice she screams, "Have you been a bad boy? Bend over here comes Big Mama.!"

More Zionolizardian PP&M songs:

Puff the Magic Dragon
Lived by the sea...

Half measures are cruel, and prolong the agony. Go directly to: RAFFI.

Haaaaa! Nice try, fellow Zio-lizards but I have you all beat! Here comes four of the most feared words in the English language: "The Bobby Goldsboro Collection."

Honey, I miss you/And I'm being good/And I'd love to be with you/if only I could,...,

The really tough cookies who survive "Honey" and "Watching Scotty Grow" would certainly be reduced to jelly if they had to listen to Gilbert O'Sullivan's "Alone Again, Naturally" repeatedly.

Mar -- that is the wierdest visual image I have ever in my life had!!! LOL

Bah. Modern 'classical' 'music'. Nothing's worse than Boulez and Monnet. Nothing. Guarantee to make a deaf mute confess everything in less than 15 minutes.

Songs that make me go puke:

Anything by Celine (subtlety - me?) Dion

Watching Scottie Grow

MacArthur Park

Most rap

And the godawfullest song in the universe

Honey - by Bobby Goldsboro (may he suffer forever for recording that)

Now, I'm off to listen to Delbert McClinton to cleanse my brain.

"We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz." (original cast recording with all those munchkins only)

The theme song to "Courtship of Eddie's Father"

"People, let me tell ya 'bout my beeest friend..."

It's soooooooo obvious:

"Spirit in the Sky"

Ellen: clearly you and I are singing off the same (godawful) sheet of music!

mommydoc: I have fond memories of a similiar party I attended in my 20's. Well, I was a bit disturbed the next day. My cherished memory of myself as a child is that I was a little girl who amused herself by playing Red Rover, biking, playing Barbies, and reading "Charlotte's Web" and Marguerite Henry books about horses. The fact that I knew all the words to the theme songs from "Mr. Ed," "Gilligan's Island" and "The Addams Family" told me I watched more TV as a kid than I thought I did!

Oh, and here's another vomit-inducer: "Run, Joey, Run." No crap like '60's and 70's crap.

(After six hours of Barney, the CIA agent enters the room:)
"OK, you guys had enough?"
"YES, YES"
"Gonna talk?"
"No, Allah Akhbar!, NO"
"Well, OK, you got me... wanna hear a song by a Musllim singing about a mountain instead?"
"Allah be praised, YES"
(agent starts tape:)
The first two verses on a loop:

"The lo-a-o-a-ock upon my gar-ten gateza znail that's wha-ti-tiz..."

Come on, it has to be the Army of Lovers' Single "Israelism" from 1993. The 'Tres Camp David' mix would combine their abhorrence of gays and jews in one horrendous pounding euro-disco beat.

I have to tell you, we tried all this before on our terrorists in Northern Ireland and we ended up under arrest thanks to the European Court - you better hope these guys are out of the reach of the International Criminal Court.

Disco. Lots and lots of disco.

Sorry, but I can't restrain myself. How about that frightful falsetto-voiced nun singing Dominique-a-nique a-nique a-nique ? An early warning that the Francophile world was headed straight into the crapper.

Make them listen to Ebony & Ivory, Silly Love Songs, or anything that Yoko Ono sings. Make them sit through Susan Sarandon movies or a Barbra Streisand lecture on politics.

Sean #82:

Bastard.

I've had "Spirit in the Sky" running through my head now for the last 15 minutes. Thanks to you.

Bastard.

Okay, I'll tell you where Saddam is hiding.

A couple of songs from the 70s that I vaguely remember:

Billy don't be a hero,
don't be a fool with your life...

and this chestnut:

Daddy please don't,
it wasn't his fault,
he means so much to me.

Daddy please don't,
we're gonna' get married,
just you wait and see...

"Peace Train" by Cat "Yusef Islam" Stevens on a loop. (Gawd I hate Stevens--used to work for the local A&M records distributor in the 70's and 80's and had to listen to that crap over and over again).
Or how about Melanie singing Brand New Rollerskate.

How about dubbing into Arabic such classic TV as:

1. Facts of Life
2. Three's Company
3. My Mother the Car
4. The Brady Bunch

EAT HOT WAX, BA'ATHIST SCUM

I Am Woman - Helen Reddy
Honey - Bobby Goldsboro
Disco Duck - Rick Dees
Chevy Van - Sammy Johns
You Light Up My Life - Debbie Boone
Heartbeat (It's a Love Beat) - Tony DeFranco & the DeFranco Family
Billy Don't Be a Hero - Bo Donaldson & the Heywoods
Seasons In the Sun - Terry Jacks
The Pina Colada Song - Rupert Holmes
Alone Again Naturally - Gilbert O'Sullivan
Never Gonna Give You Up - Rick Astley
I Think I Love You - Partridge Family
I've Got A Brand New Pair of Roller Skates - Melanie
Afternoon Delight - Starland Vocal Band
Saturday Night - The Bay City Rollers
Sunshine Day - The Brady Kids
The Candy Man - Sammy Davis Jr.
The Night Chicago Died - Paper Lace
Havin' My Baby - Paul Anka
Muskrat Love - Captain & Tennille
Feelings - Morris Albert
The One That I Love - Air Supply
Rhinestone Cowboy - Glen Campbell
You Don't Bring me Flowers - Neil Diamond & Barbara Streisand
Me and You and a Dog Named Boo - Lobo
Mandy - Barry Manilow
Sometimes When We Touch - Dan Hill
Fernando - ABBA

Here's the mail!
It never fails!
It makes me wanna wag my tail!
When it comes I wanna wail
MAAAAAIIIIIIILLLL!!!!!

We are looking for Blue's Clues... repeat as necessary

Purple Kangaroo is an Evil Zionist!

How about: Theme from Welcome Back Kotter/US Interregators dress in 70's clothes and must always speak with exaggerated New York accent/low levels of LSD in prisoners food to enhance the experience.

iowahawk:

Whoa there, cowboy! We don't want to kill'em, we just want to hurt them a little. If the wind blows the other way, our boys are going to get a little of that.

#93:

Ooh, yes. Anything by Air Supply. Sheer torture.

Heh.

#93 iowahawk,

OUCH!!! You are merciless!

In the words of Bernard Goetz..."what's that? You want some MORE!?!"

One Tin Sodier (Theme from Billy Jack) - Coven
One Bad Apple (Don't Spoil The Whole Bunch Girl) - Osmonds
Yummy Yummy Yummy - 1910 Fruitgum Company
Winchester Cathedral - Harper's Bizarre
Daddy Don't You Walk So Fast - Wayne Newton
I'm the Happiest Girl In the Whole USA - Dottie West
Convoy - CW McCall
Troglodyte - The Jimmie Castor Bunch
I've Never Been To Me - Sylvia

How about Lovin You Is Easy 'Cause You're Beautiful or Midnight At The Oasis?

# 54 PDM:

If we really wanted to get mean, we would make them listen to the entire Barry Manilow catalog.

Naw, I think anything by Kinky Friedman and the Texas Jewboys would do the trick. Works on many levels, too!

Sick, just sick, you people are sick, evil and twisted I tell ya! You people should all know the ultimate torture is "Its a small small word" followed by Barney followed by viewing every episode of the Teletubbies.....IN ARABIC! ;) hehe

er thats supposed to be world oopsie

iowahawk: That is truly a horrific list - in fact, I had to stop twice while just reading though it to bang my head against the floor several times.

However, you missed two huge blots on our civilization:

I jumped on the fence,
And I yelled at the house,
'Hey, what gives you the right,
to put up a fence that keeps me out,...,

If God were here, He'd tell ya to your face
'Man, you're some kinda sinner!

That lame-ass assault on property rights is awful enough, but it pales next to a song about cannibalism:

Hungry as hell, no food to eat,
And Joe said that he would sell his soul
for just a piece of meat

Must leave this thread,..., am starting to foam at mouth and gnaw on shoes.

Oh man, I can't believe no-one has thought of:

Feelings, nothing more than feelings...

#1: Don't you say bad things about Pokemon!!

iowahawk (#93 & 99) - Excruciatingly comprehensive. We're talking padded cell at best after a round of those.

#85 McKinnon of that Ilk -

Come on, it has to be the Army of Lovers' Single "Israelism" from 1993.

Another possibility is "Farewell to Babylon".

iowahawk - well, almost comprehensive. After getting my breath back, I note no Tony Orlando & Dawn.

Please add

1. Achey breaky heart
2. You light up my life

My suggestion is: "Hey Jude" - Beatles. Just the chours in a constant loop.

I actually love this song. But can you imagine listening to: "Na na na na na na na. Na na na na. hey Jude" for three hours.

Donna V. you're on a roll today. How the hell did you come up with Gilbert O'Sullivan, Gilbert O'Sullivan? Don't you have any compassion woman?

Dominique-a-nique a-nique a-nique ?

ROFLMAO!

BTW didn't William Shanter record an album once. Surely that warrants a mention on an iowahawk list.

This can create a Toxic Forbidden Zone with a 5mi radius:

"I Will Always Love You" - Whitney Houston (cover)

p.s. Only half joking about this question:

Do you think the military will need to pay royalties for the songs it uses?

Hey! I remembered Morris Albert's craptacular "Feelings" - see above.

Donna V. -

I jumped on the fence,
And I yelled at the house,
'Hey, what gives you the right,
to put up a fence that keeps me out,...,

If God were here, He'd tell ya to your face
'Man, you're some kinda sinner!

That would be "Signs" by the Five Man Electrical Band.

Hungry as hell, no food to eat,
And Joe said that he would sell his soul
for just a piece of meat

And that would be "Timothy" by The Buoys.

For maximum pain, don't forget...

Indiana Wants Me - R. Dean Taylor
D.O.A. - Bloodrock
In the Year 2525 - Zager & Evans

Don't leave out Mariah Carey!

So it's finally come to this. War is hell!

Love me, love me
Say that you love me
Fool me, fool me
Go on and fool me
Love me, love me
Pretend that you love me
Leave me, leave me
Just say that you need me

Serves them right, the bastards!

#111 Fay,

Brilliant!!! The William Shatner version of "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds."

Any chipmunks record except "The chipmunks sing the beatles greatest hits."

Maybe Chipmunk Punk:

My Sharona!!!

William Shatner - Mr. Tamborine Man

Don't You Want Me Baby by The Human League

Time to go nuclear.

My Pal Foot-Foot - The Shags
Transfusion - Nervous Norvus
They're Coming To Take Me Away - Napoleon XIII
Dead Puppies (Aren't Much Fun) - Ogden Edsel
Ahab The A-rab - Ray Stevens

Ahab, The Arab (by Ray Stevens)

Let me tell you 'bout Ahab The Arab
The Sheik of the burning sand
He had emeralds and rubies just dripping off 'a him
And a ring on every finger of his hands

He wore a big ol' turban wrapped around his head
And a scimitar by his side
And every evening about midnight
He'd jump on his camel named Clyde...and ride

[Spoken]

Silently through the night to the sultan's tent where he would secretly meet up with Fatima of the Seven Veils, swingingest grade "A" number one U.S. choice dancer in the Sultan's whole harem, 'cause, heh, him and her had a thing going. You know, and they'd been carrying on for some time now behind the Sultan's back and you could hear him talk to his camel as he rode out across the dunes, his voice would cut through the still night desert air and he'd say (imitate Arabian speech) which is arabic for, "stop, Clyde!" and Clyde would say, (imitate camel voice). Which is camel for, "What the heck did he say anyway?"
Well....

He brought that camel to a screeching halt
At the rear of Fatima's tent jumped off Clyde,
Snuck around the corner and into the tent he went
There he saw Fatima laying on a Zebra skin rug
Wearing rings on her fingers and bells on her toes
And a bone in her nose ho, ho.

[Spoken]

There she was friends lying there in all her radiant beauty. Eating on a raisin, grape, apricot, pomegranate, bowl of chitterlings, two bananas, three Hershey bars, sipping on a "R C" Co-Cola listening to her transistor, watching the Grand Ole Opry on the tube reading the Mad magazine while she sung, "Does your chewing gum lose it's flavor?" and Ahab walked up to her and he said, (imitate Arabian speech) which is arabic for, "Let's twist again like we did last summer, baby." (laughter) You know what I mean! Whew! She looked up at him from off the rug, give him one of the sly looks, she said, (coy, girlish laugh) "Crazy baby".
'Round and around and around and around...etc.

And that's the story 'bout Ahab the Arab
The Sheik of the Burnin' sand
Ahab the Arab
The swinging Sheik of the burnin' sand

Midnight at the Oasis, sing your camel to bed...

BTW didn't William Shanter record an album once.

I don't know about Shatner, but I know Leonard Nimoy did a version of "Proud Mary" (CCR?) that was described as "execrable" (sp).

The jukebox playlist of just about any C&W tavern...

And perhaps we let one of our most very special divas inform the Ba'athist EPWs that... the Greatest Love of All is the love that comes from deep inside yourself?

PDM #117, sheesh thanks :-) I have every faith that the intrepid collective at LGF will track down and expose every silly little love (and other) song ever written. Although I'm getting a tad concerned about iowahawk....

I Put A Spell On You by Screamin' Jay Hawkins

#110 Mattan
But can you imagine listening to: "Na na na na na na na. Na na na na. hey Jude" for three hours.

Problem is they'll think they're hearing "Hey JEW" and go ballistic.

#99 iowahawk
Troglodyte – Jimmy Castor Bunch
"Her name was Bertha…one of the Butt sisters!"
ROFLMAO

I was in the record business in the 70s and 80s and had to listen to all that crap incessantly. Thank G-d for jazz and classical music!

My Sweet Lord (Islamic version)
from the album All Things Must Blast

My Sweet Lord mmmm My Lord, mmmm My Lord
I really want my virgins
I want to be a martyr
I really want my virgins Lord, but it takes so long my Lord.

Allah Akbar, Allah Akbar
Allah Akbar, Allah Akbar

I really want to splode for you.
I really want to blow for you.
I really want to splode for you, but it takes so long my Lord.
Allah Akbar, Allah Akbar
My Sweet Lord
Allah Akbar
My Sweet Lord mmmm My Lord, mmmm My Lord

I'm beginning to worry about the effect this thread is having on our brains.

Olivia Newton-John's "Have You Never Been Mellow?" just popped into my head, completely unbidden.

Oh please, the Army doesn’t need commercially recorded music.

Three hours of my brother and I singing anything, while accompanying ourselves with drum set and violin, respectively, will make even the most hardened terrorist beg for mercy.

Even after nine years of lessons, I can clear a mile radius of all living things when playing the violin.

A little "yerushalyaim shel zahav" for an encore perhaps.

No, Fay I have no mercy.

How about "Henry the Eighth?" Of course, it could be doctored to reflect current events:

I'm Achmed the 8th, I am,
Achmed the 8th, I am, I am.
I've been married 7 times before,
I married the shaheed's widow next door.
And every one was a Muslim,
I wouldn't have a Christian or a Jew,...,

PDM & Donna V. Cut it out you guys, I can't sit up straight for laughing.

#132 Donna V.,

I've been married 7 times before,
I married the shaheed's widow next door.

LOL!!!

#133 Fay,
I think I found a new playground. Imbedded images rock!

I split on the issue. Honorable Iraqis fighting the USA in uniform or Ba'ath Party officials who subscribed to the Geneva Conventions once war started are POWs. They should be treated with full respect and dignity.

Like Al Qaeda, though....those Iraqi Fayadeen, and enemy Islamics within the USA who violate the rules of warfare deserve nothing. They are unlawful combatants that deserve....and have no legal rights...past a "Fuck 'em!"

I would say and endless loop of Kate Smith singing "God Bless America" playing 24/7 would do the trick for the unlawful combatants........especially if the Islamists had to sing it to be fed...

But I would much prefer truth drugs, sleep depravation...until they revealed all they know...a military tribunal......then a merciful dispatch into the "Big Dirt Sleep" with "72 raisins" chucked on each corpse. They don't deserve any "Rights" no matter what the ACLU and Ramsey Clark think.

BTW - all those suggestions posters hate.....likely every other poster likes 1/2 of the "worst songs" put out by other posters...other than Yoko, Shatner, and Linda McCartney. If they weren't catchy tunes that made money......no one here would remember them. I think the stuff we heard as kids (some on LGF as adults) from the 60's and 70's was cool until it was overplayed. Same with us that came of age in the 80's and suffered through hip-hop, Celine, and Madonna in the 90's.

#123 Frank IMC

BTW didn't William Shanter record an album once.

yeah, he actually did. It has a spoken word song "It was a very good year", and him reading shakespeare, but more importantly, the most hilariously awful rendition of "Mr. Tambourine Man" you will EVER hear!

PDM #134, now now that's not very PC of you is it? How's the boy by the way?

#137 Fay,

I can't help it!!! I'm hooked on Indymedia!!! :)

The baby is doing great. Thank you for asking. Send me an email, and I'll reply with a recent photo (I can be such a proud daddy sometimes... well, I better substitute "proud" with "grateful").

PDM done.

Donna V. judging by your previous selections you must remember "Those Were The Days" by Mary Hopkins?????????? How about "Does Your Chewing Gum Lose It's Flavour On The Bedpost Over Night?" by Lonnie Donegan...truly awful but not nearly as bad as music to top yourself to by Gordon Lightfoot-"The Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald."

Midnight at the oasis
Send your camel to bed
Shadows paintin' our faces
Traces of romance in our heads
Heaven's holdin' a half-moon
Shinin' just for us
Let's slip off to a sand dune, real soon
And kick up a little dust
Come on, Cactus is our friend
He'll point out the way
Come on, till the evenin' ends
Till the evenin' ends
You don't have to answer
There's no need to speak
I'll be your belly dancer, prancer
And you can be my sheik

Please.... Make... It... STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pffft! You call these tunes horrible? Listen to the music in my new post, and weep! Weep, I say! Bwa hahahaaa!

OTOH,

Midnight after you’re wasted
Take your camel to bed
Burkas concealing our faces
Give him a little head

Maria needs to recut that song NOW. Or maybe not.

I am woman, hear me roar
In numbers too big to ignore
And I know too much
To go back an' pretend
'Cause I've heard it all before
And I've been down there on the floor
No one's ever gonna
Keep me down again

Oh yes I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to, I can do anything
I am strong
I am invincible
I am woman

You can bend but never break me
'Cause it only serves to make me
More determined
To achieve my final goal
And I come back even stronger
Not a novice any longer
'Cause you've deepened
The conviction in my soul

Oh yes I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to, I can do anything
I am strong
I am invincible
I am woman

I am woman watch me grow
See me standing toe to toe
As I spread my lovin' arms
Across the land
But I'm still an embryo
With a long long way to go
Until I make my
Brother understand

Oh yes I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to
I can face anything
I am strong
I am invincible
I am woman
Oh, I am woman
I am invincible
I am strong

Fay: Jeez, thanks for nothing! Now I have Superior, it's said, never gives up it's dead/When the gales of November come early ringing in my ears! And you call me cruel!

One last one before I dunk my head in the sink to get rid of the voices. Remember "Cherokee Nation?" Hey, it's got just the right whining seething note to endear it to the Arabs. I can see Mr. Saudi Spokesman with Puppy Dog Eyes singing an updated version on SNL:

Although I wear a shirt and tie/
I'm still medieval, deep inside.

"One toke over the line", "YMCA", "I will Survive", and the whole "BeeGees" catalog.

Donna V. none of us are going to be able to sleep tonight. And if you don't care for Gordon how about another (more than) depressing Canadian by the name of Bruce Cockburn, and his lovely ditty, "If I Had a Rocket Launcher"

Then of course there's Jimmy's fav habitat humalong by PPM "If I Had A Hammer"

When I was young, I had a couple of LPs that would be perfect for this.

One was the Chipmunks doing covers of popular songs (like The Cars "Let's Go", etc).

The other -- and this was really young -- was a Disney Disco album.

I guarantee hearing Donald Duck doing Saturday Night Fever will bring them running out of their little hidey-holes!! :)

And BTW Charles, I love "Horse with No Name", thankyouverymuch. :)

I am shocked -- shocked! -- that no one has suggested anything from the John Tesh catalog. You people are disappointing me.

Sheik Yerbooti (I was wondering when you were going to show up)

I am shocked -- shocked! -- that no one has suggested anything from the John Tesh catalog.

Isn't he interchangeable with Yanni? Didn't someone mention Yanni? Please, someone must have....

Ren & Stimpy
Happy Happy Joy Joy.
Over & over, but each time at a randomly different speed.

And, for reveille:
"Hey kids! WHAT TIME IS IT?!
It's How dy DOO dee time..."

So many great songs, so litle time.

"Surfin' Bird " The Trashmen, an assault on all the senses.

"Metal Machine Music" Lou Reed, an album length assault. Four tracks, sixteen minutes each. My nephew said that he listened to the entire album in one sitting and was sick for two days.

Packsoldier, my ex used to love to use that first line on me (I am woman, hear me roar) whenever I lost my temper. He put great emphasis on "roar." One of many reasons he is my ex.

Fay, there's Yanni and then there's Kenny G. And let's not forget Bobby Sherman. I hate to pick on Bobby too much, because I heard a while back he's now a L.A. cop who donates his entire salary to charity - on the other hand, it probably takes an entire lifetime of good deeds to atone for Julie, Julie, Julie, do ya love me? Julie, Julie, Julie do ya care?

Cher should be convicted of assault and battery for "Half-Breed" and "Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves."

I laughed my arse off when I saw this happening...instead of a song list, I'll relate an anecdote...I've been on the "receiving" end of this before.

I'm not going to relate too much, as I believe I'm still sworn to secrecy, and because someone reading this thread might be on tap to go there, but they did something like this to us while I was in SERE school (Survival, Evasion, Resistance, and Escape)...basically it's a combination of survival and POW training.

Metallica and Barney are INFINITELY nicer than some of the "stuff" I was subjected to, as well as every song mentioned so far on this thread...but they lost it on me around what I'd guessed was "morning"...I woke up when they started playing bagpipe music. Specifically, "Scotland the Brave". Now, to a normal person, untold hours of bagpipes might have been considered "cruel". However, as a proud and unrepentant "Scottish-Texan", I couldn't get enough :).

This reminds me of a story I heard about years ago. It seems that an elderly man in a city in NJ (don't remember the town) was fed up with drug dealers operating on the corner where his apartment was. He'd call the cops, the cops would arrive, the drug dealers would scatter, the cops would leave, the drug dealers would come back, old man would call cops again, and so forth and so on. Finally, one day, he put his stereo speaker in his window, cranked up his old 45 Perry Como records, and played them non-stop and loud. Drug dealers and customers eventually left the corner permanently, which was really all the old man wanted in the first place. Gotta love it.

there's Yanni and then there's Kenny G.

Okay Donna V., now it's war. Not only do I have all sorts of foul and disgusting tunes floating around in my head but you made me picture Kenny G.

Kenny G. ferchrissakes, the worst (and I mean worst) HAIR on the face of the earth!

#47 Re: Metallica and "The God That Failed"

Nope. I'm thinking old-skool.

From Garage Days, Last Caress and Helpless.

Everything from Kill 'em All, especially Phantom Lord, Hit the Lights, and Motorbreath.

Also pretty much everything from Ride the Lightning.

To get really evil sounding, we turn to Master of Puppets for Leper Messiah and The Thing That Should Not Be.

From And Justice for All they only get Dyers Eve because of its psycho rythm guitar and drum combo, guaranteed to throw them off. I like that album, actually. :)

Every album after that is a sell-out piece of shit. Despite my wife's blasphemous pleas that Metallica's Turn the Page is better than Bob Seger's. :)

Speaking of Metallica, where is Lars "I'm a fucko" Ulrich screaming and demanding his royalties for using their songs? :(

The possibilities are endless...

REO Speedwagon (Kevin Cronin years)

Wham!

Slim Whitman, Roger Whittaker, Boxcar Willie (in rotation)

Serge Gainsbourg

Gary Puckett and the Union Gap

Tiny Tim

Leo Sayer

David Hasselhoff (the song "Hot Shot City" is particularly good).

etc.

OH MY GOD

I think that I have every one of the songs that have been mentioned on this thread on my hard drive.

My self esteem is shattered as I thought that I liked alot of those songs...

must go and...

format hard drive.....

Fay, I have to agree--Kenny G! Don't even make me have to think about him! Celine Dion is another one of my world's worst, but Sheryl Crow, and most especially "...all I wanna do is have some fun..." is enough to put me in a home. That song makes me want to be violent.

Feelings, wo wo wo
Feelings

Aieeee, by the Prophet's beard, make it stop!

Lock them in a sensory deprivation room and play non-stop Phillip Glass. After a couple days they will think they had been locked up for twenty years.

Who the hell is Phillip Glass?

Not enough Glenn Campbell:
Where's the Playground, Susie?

Or the Andy Williams version of Love Story...
Lightning Strikes - Lou Christie

Phillip Glass did the music for "Koyanasquatsi" (sp?) and the opera "Nixon in China" as well as many other very repetitive pieces. Imagine one bar of music repeated ad infinitum with only minor variation or an ocassional change in key.

DuH (#166) - I'd rather not, if it's all the same to you! BTW, I'd like to see iowahawk's record, CD, and 8 track collection.

Dar ul Harbarian (#166)

Imagine one bar of music repeated ad infinitum with only minor variation or an ocassional change in key.

Do I really have to?

#160 Hi zulubaby

"...all I wanna do is have some fun..." is enough to put me in a home. That song makes me want to be violent.

Is that the song about Billy pulling labels off of beer cans and people washing their cars?

#163 May allah forgive me for knowing this, but isn't Phillip Glass the dude who played Crockett's (Don Johnson) sidekick on Miami Vice?

C'mon guys you are a bunch of pikers. How could yo forget the ULTIMATE TORTURE?"

Honey
Bobby Goldsboro

(Words and Music by Bobby Russell)

See the tree, how big it's grown but friend it hasn't been too long it wasn't big
I laughed at her and she got mad, the first day that she planted, it, was just a twig
Then the first snow came and she ran out to brush the snow away
So it wouldn't die
Came runnin' in all excited, slipped and almost hurt herself
And I laughed till I cried
She was always young at heart, kinda dumb and kinda smart and I loved her so
And I surprised her with a puppy
Kept me up all Christmas Eve two years ago
And it would sure embarrass her
When I came in from workin' late 'cause I would know
That she'd been sittin' there and cryin'
Over some sad and silly late, late show

And honey, I miss you and I'm bein' good
And I'd love to be with you if only I could

She wrecked the car and she was sad
And so afraid that I'd be mad but what the heck
Though I pretended hard to be
Guess you could say she saw through me and hugged my neck
I came home unexpectedly and caught her cryin' needlessly
In the middle of a day
And it was in the early Spring when flowers bloom and robins sing
She went away

And honey, I miss you and I'm bein' good
And I'd love to be with you if only I could

One day while I was not at home while she was there and all alone
The angels came
Now all I have is memories of Honey and I wake up nights and call her name
Now my life's an empty stage where Honey lived and Honey played
And love grew up
And a small cloud passes overhead and cries down on the flower bed
That Honey loved

And see the tree how big it's grown but friend it hasn't been too long it wasn't big
And I laughed at her and she got mad
The first day that she planted it, was just a twig

Fay and zulu: OK, OK, mentioning the Hideously Coiffed One was going too far, I admit it. But he would reduce hardened Iraqis to tears, would he not?

In fact, that what I think Ariel should do to the Arafish: blast You Know Who's "music" into his compound. Let's get really tough here, IDF!

re my Phillip Glass comment...oops I guess not

#170 Susan, pay attention, Donna V. was all over Bobby G. hours ago

Susan (#170) - Last night you call up the one whose name we aren't allowed to post, and tonight you post the lyrics to Honey. What's tomorrow's treat? - I can't wait! ;-)

Sorry Charles, you don't have the worst one.

Anybody who has seen Mars Attacks will know that Slim Whitman's Indian Love Call takes the cake!

Hey, maybe it would even make IndyMedia writers' heads explode too, just like those pesky Martians. :)

How about the title track of the Osmond's
"Crazy Horses" record?

I can't believe I am following up on this but:

1) Philip Glass didn't do "Nixon in China". It was by John Adams. My bad. He did do "Einstein on the Beach", however.

2) Philip Glass wasn't in Miami Vice but he was on Saturday Night Live in 1975 and "Sessions at West 54th" playing himself. He also had a bit part in "The Truman Show"

3) He also did the music for one of the "Candyman" movies.

Gosh, I love the imdb.com

What would be really effective might be a good cop bad cop routine. I suggest 99 Red Balloons by Nena. First you play it in German, that good old fashioned "we support Saddam in his quest for whatever." Then play it in English to break them back down, again followed by the soothing sounds of what probably sounds like Deutschland uber alles set to a synthesizer to the Saddamophiles. After the first twenty times they should be endlessly cooperative or hopelessly insane.

Thanks, Susan, for reviving a memory best left in the dustbin of history--"Honey"--yes, perhaps the world's worst song. The words don't even BEGIN to convey the horror--it's the TUNE, the TUNE!

My nominees:

---One-Eyed One-Horned Flying Purple People Eater
---Itsy-Bitsy Teenie-Weenie Yellow Polka-dot Bikini
---The Green Berets

This entire thread can have the unfortunate side-effect of giving us earworms. For those of you not familiar with that wonderful German term, here's an explanation [Link: www.wordspy.com...]

(EER.wurm) n. A song or tune that repeats over and over inside a person's head. The term earworm is the literal English translation of the German word ohrwurm. An earworm is also sometimes called a sticky tune. In Portuguese they call it chiclete de ouvido, or ear chewing gum.

Example Citation:

"I couldn't get the song out of my head. It's like a broken record," Clark said Thursday while shopping at the Galleria at Tyler mall in Riverside. "I keep humming it, and you know, I don't even like Prince's music."

Her experience reflects a phenomenon shared by the vast majority of people, according to an ongoing study at the University of Cincinnati. Nearly everybody has been mentally tortured at one point in their lives by an "earworm" — a tune that keeps repeating itself over and over in their heads.

The research also indicates that people who get the most earworms tend to listen to music frequently and have neurotic habits, such as biting pencils or tapping fingers.
—Hieu Tran Phan, "'Sticky tune' hits a chord with many," The Press-Enterprise, March 4, 2003

Shit, Fay, you're right. Mea culpa -- still, I feel that the true awfulness of "Honey" deserves to be delineated IN FULL MEASURE. Otherwise we will forget the depths to which Western Civlization is capable of descending :))

Doug (#174): Naked pictures of Walter Brennan?

Susan - That's more twisted than I could have imagined -- a true eye worm, if ever there was one.

What about Zamfir and The Pan Pipes?

Oh wait, those Saddamites would probably LIKE Zamfir and the Pan Pipes.

Just relocate the Euroweenie song contest to Cuba - all the prisoners will talk by the time the third contestant lets loose, and chances are high Fidel will give up too.

WE MUST FIGHT FIRE WITH FIRE. One word-Desiderata. BUT PLEASE WEAR THICK SOCKS WHILE READING THE WORDS WHICH I HOPE SOMEONE WILL POST. IT IS THE ULTIMATE WEAPON. YOURS IN FREEDOM & DEMOCRACY- A CANADIAN WHO WILL NEVER APPEASE, Canucker.

Susan #180

Mea culpa -- still, I feel that the true awfulness of "Honey" deserves to be delineated IN FULL MEASURE. Otherwise we will forget the depths to which Western Civlization is capable of descending :))

LOLOLOL!

#184 Canucker,

Well, this is close to it:
--------------------------------

Deteriorata

from National Lampoon Radio Dinner Album
A Parody of the poem Desiderata
---------------------------------
Go placidly amid the noise and waste,
And remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof.
Avoid quiet and passive persons unless you are in need of sleep.
Rotate your tires.

Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself,
And heed well their advice, even though they be turkeys.
Know what to kiss and when.
Consider that two wrongs never make a right,
But that three lefts do.

Wherever possible put people on "HOLD".
Be comforted that in the face of all aridity and disillusionment,
And despite the changing fortunes of time,
There is always a big future in computer maintenance.
Remember the Pueblo.

Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle and mutilate.
Know yourself. If you need help, call the FBI.
Exercise caution in your daily affairs,
Especially with those persons closest to you;
That lemon on your left for instance.

Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most souls,
Would scarcely get your feet wet.
Fall not in love therefore; it will stick to your face.

Carefully surrender the things of youth: birds, clean air, tuna, Taiwan,
And let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
For a good time, call 606-4311.

Take heart amid the deepening gloom that your dog
Is finally getting enough cheese;
And reflect that whatever fortunes may be your lot,
It could only be worse in Sioux City.

You are a fluke of the Universe.
You have no right to be here, and whether you can hear it or not,
The Universe is laughing behind your back.

Therefore make peace with your God whatever you conceive him to be,
Hairy Thunderer or Cosmic Muffin.

With all its hopes, dreams, promises, and urban renewal,
The world continues to deteriorate.
Give up.

#178 yjlaw
Throughout this entire day, and this entire thread, I have been restraining myself, and hoping that everyone else would restrain them selves also, from mentioning those 99 Red Balloons. Show some mercy man. None of us should be subjected to having that 99 Red Balloons theme running through our heads. Aaarghhh!

I happen to love the 99 Luftballoons song, by Nena, especially in German. The English version really doesn't do it justice. Honestly, if you read my last post, I could gladly listen to it for 12 hours or so.

#184, You are a child of the Universe

You have a right to be heard!

My, My, My

What did 70's music do to receive such vile revulsion and hatred? Surely it doesn't warrant this kind of attention. Sure, a lot of it was campy, but at least someone had to actually play an instrument or sing. Nowadays, to be in the Hip-Hop craze, all you need is to know how to rhyme female genitalia words to a machine-driven beat.

And, am I the only person on earth who has all 25 Rhino "Have a nice day - Super Hits of the 70's" CD's?

If you want torture, how about any Hip-Hop, or grunge (or just about anything popular after 1990)? "Smells like school spirit" has got to be the dumbest song God ever saw fit to let some tortured drug-addict write.

How about Britney Friggin' Spears for God's sake? Every time I hear her voice I think someone stepped on a duck.

Then again, today's music is so angry and violent, these prisoners might identify with it, and turn them harder than they already are.

Never mind.

TV (Harry)

Screw em' if they wont talk chain em' to the wall and give em' 24 hours of the Chipmunks Xmas Album It'll either kill, cure, or convert em'.

Anything by Belefonte (Kill two birds with one stone)
Happy Trails by Roy Rogers and Dale Evans
Running Bear
Itsy, Bitsy, Teeny Weeny Polka Dot Bikini
She Loves You Yeah, Yeah Yeah
Ring Ma Bell

They should tell them Barney's a Zionist.

They should also play Alvin and the Chipmunks.

Whatever torture tunes are used, they should also be forced to look at this.

#190, I don't hate all '70s music. The Ramones, Pink Floyd, Lynyrd Skynyrd, and Black Sabbath all had their heyday during the '70s. But that godawful pap you listen to is just embarrassing. Why was Shawn Cassidy any better than the Backstreet Boys? Wow, I think I just came up with two more torture ideas.

Hey, didn't Roseanne Barr sing the national anthem at a baseball game waybackwhen?

#195 PDM, eeeooow, take that awaaaay pleez, pretty, pretty, pleez?

Donna V. (#171)

the Hideously Coiffed One

LOL!

Fay (#187)

99 Red Balloons

I see I'm just going to be tortured here. Aaaargh!, is right. What's that other creepy song? I can't think of what it is now. Creepy and annoying. Does anyone know which song I'm talking about? Yeah, I thought so. It'll come to me.

Harry Nillson

Spike Jones

Alice in Chains

Yodeling (I used to have a tape that had "It's a Small Small World" in yodeling, and used it to drive the crack dealers off my corner).

"Careful with that axe, Eugene" - or whatever it was, by Pink Floyd.

And that awful rap thing, "Project Chick," over and over at top volume (which is how I heard it back in the old 'hood. Blech.)

Bette Midler, "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy." She sounds like the Andrews Sisters on speed.

Here's my candidates - not necessarily in this order -

(1) Billy, Don't Be a Hero - Bo Donaldson & The Heywoods

(2) The Pina Colada Song - Rupert Holmes

(3) That GODAWFUL song by some guy named Dan Hill that ends "I wanna hold yoooou till the feear in meee subsiiiides..." - this song makes me want to jab knitting needles in my ears, screaming "GOD MAKE IT STOP!" whenever I hear it. It sounds like the singer chugged a beaker of carbolic acid before he did the final take.

(4) Disco Duck - Rick Dees. Preferably played over and over again.

(5) And a Special Award of Dishonor toooo...(drum roll, Maestro) More, More, More - The Andrea True Connection. Porn actress who sang most of the song off-key. Almost as agonizing as #3.

New entry - Some cable-TV-advertised abortion...oops, I mean compilation... called "KingTinued" by some Elvis impersonator whose name escapes me. The thought of Iraqi prisoners being interrogated to the tune of a faux Elvis singing Goodbye, England's Rose (yes, I'm being serious!) is enough to make ME file a complaint with Amnesty International.

The Top 1,000 Cal Worthington commercials back to back.

Clearly, anything by Mariah Carey - the woman cannot hold the same note for more than a milisecond.

If played on a loop I imagine 'Diva' - the eurovision song contest winner from Dana International (the Israeli transvestite) would get results.

[Link: judaism.about.com...]

Although if anyone makes me listen to Nelly & Kelly's 'Dilemma' again I will cry.

Didn't we already try to drive Castro nuts with loud music? If we did, it didn't work.

That said, I'd recommend either "Christmas With the Cowsills" or "Pat Boone In A Metal Mood." That should drive Hussein's henchmen mad cow crazy.

Islam has nothing to offer the US. There is nothing to "be learned" from it. It is alien to American mores, specifically Separation of Church & State, individual liberties, and the status of women. I am disgusted w/ill-informed commentators using the "Religion of Peace" bromide when discussing Islam. Islam means Submission to Allah. Such submission leaves no room for free will, independent thinking, creativity, ad inf. Islam has no place here.

For the ultimately satisfying torture music -

Rage Against The Machine
System Of A Down

Not only would it be effective against the enemy, I would love to see the looks on Zach De La Roachclip and Barko Atdamoonian when they learn they have been creating weaponry for the AmeriKKKan war machine.

Anything by Neil Diamond.

I'd spill my guts after 10 minutes, tops.

Yoko? *shudders* Y'all are harsh!

My contributions:
*That gospel record Ashcroft recorded.
*Halfbreed by Cher
*You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet by BTO
*Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head - BJ Thomas
*Hey Mickey, You're So Fine - Toni Basil
*I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing - (New Seekers? Something like that.)
*Sadie Hawkins Dance by Reliant K (got a 13 yo and weakening fast re the tattoo ... somebody help me!)

That awful song, can't recall the name, but lyrics include:

"Momma got a squeezebox, daddy doesn't sleep at night."

"It goes in and out and in and out and in and out and in and out..."

I HATE that song.

I'm impressed (and a little scared) by the sheer volume (no pun intended) of bad music. Now I'm thinking of Gilbert O'Sullivan who sang Alone Again (Naturally) and the Starland Vocal Band's Afternoon Delight. Real music, real bad.

MacArthur Park:

Someone left the cake out in the rain
All that sweet green icing flowing down
I don't think that I can take it
Cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again.

Oh no.

I can't believe that no one mentioned the WMDs of songs to open up these bastards:

The Clash - "Rock the Casbah".
Followed up with "Jingle Bells".

Kahlid don't like it.

While the above suggestions are all good, they seem to concentrate on vomit-inducing, but generally harmless, music. I humbly suggest that something free of melody and proper timekeeping, something to inflict real PAIN:

Slayer.

Either the enemy will, as one, pee themselves and run away after the first 90 seconds of "Hell Awaits", or they will start performing mercy killings on each other halfway through "Dittohead".

Heh heh heh.

Doug (#213) - I've been posting for a while under that name (for example #106 above), so if there's now two of us maybe you could use an initial or something to differentiate. Thanks!

Endless loop of Monkeys vs. Donkies by Wild Man Fisher. Ended a concert with this in the late 70's. Man did the place clear out fast!

My personal faveorite would be an import from Japan: Yatta!

Wild Thing
(Like a) Red Rubber Ball

And if you want to get vicious, sadistic, depraved, and really, really politically incorrect ... any of your local punk rock bands.

Splatter The Walls by Circle Jerk comes to mind. Never heard it? Get down on your knees and thank a merciful God.

Play this song for several hours;

The Song That Never Ends
(source: "LambChop's Playalong")

This is the song that never ends,
It just goes on and on my friends,
Some people started singing it not knowing what it was
And they’ll continue singing it forever just because,
This is the song that never ends....
(repeat, and repeat, and repeat...)

And when your target is listening to it, with tears in his eyes, come into the room with a table. Bind him to his chair.
Pull out a revolver and leave it on the table with a single round in the cylinder. Leave it just outside of his reach. Make sure he sees you put the ammo in it.

Start playing the song again. And again. And again.

The Song That Never Ends

Here's one just for Saddam:

Motorhead
The Ace of Spades

If you like to gamble, I tell you I'm your man
You win some, lose some, all the same to me
The pleasure is to play, makes no difference what you say
I don't share your greed, the only card I need is
The Ace Of Spades

Playing for the high one, dancing with the devil,
Going with the flow, it's all the game to me,
Seven or Eleven, snake eyes watching you,
Double up or quit, double stake or split,
The Ace Of Spades

You know I'm born to lose, and gambling's for fools,
But that's the way I like it baby,
I don't wanna live for ever,
And don't forget the joker!

Pushing up the ante, I know you've got to see me,
Read 'em and weep, the dead man's hand again,
I see it in your eyes, take one look and die,
The only thing you see, you know it's gonna be,
The Ace Of Spades

How about supplying some heroin and playing c-list Grunge 24 hours a day. They would either kill themselves or confess right quick.

Mudhoney anyone? Doom metal would work as well (Candlemass for instance, who were described as "music to slit your wrists by")too.

Any 70's soft rock would work as well as that *&^%ing theme from Titanic.

Andrew Ian Castel-Dodge (#221)

Brilliant, absolutely brilliant!

... that *&^%ing theme from Titanic.

I cannot believe that I forgot about that. That song (as well as that bloody movie I might add) is another one that inspires violence in me. Aaaargh!! They should ban that song (and Celine Dion while they're at it). It is a crime against humanity.

#222 zulubaby, oh good...I hated that film as well. And as for the theme, I'm going to have to slap Andrew Ian Castel Dodge (jeez how many names does one man need?) upside the head for even mentioning it. Now it's running through my brain....

BUTTTTTT I KNOW THAAAAAAAAAAAAT (pound chest with closed fist) MY HEART WILL GO ON

YOOOOOOOOOOOOR HERE (pound chest with closed fist) THERE'S NOTHING I FEAR

YOU ARE HERE IN MY HEART (pound chest with closed fist) AND MY HEART WILL GO ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNanONNNNNNNNNNNN(pound chest with closed fist)

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh

Fay, stop that immediately! Andrew Ian Castle-Dodge (and Fay's right, what's with all those names?), you have some explaining to do. You will stay up with me all night if necessary because you've made me think of that damn song, that mind-numbing drivel of a movie, and worst of all, Celine Dion! You cruel, cruel man.

Fay, are you okay sweetie? I feel traumatized too.

zb

Fay, are you okay sweetie? I feel traumatized too.

I'm fine thanks. You obviously missed my obviously too subtle references to the fact that the Celineon one clenches her fist and pounds her chest five or six times in a row every time there's a phrase break in a song.

Don't ask me how I know this okay? I live in Canada, these images are flashed across our TV screens...oh the humanity............

But I know that my heart will go..............

Fay (#225)

No, I didn't miss a thing, I was just kidding around. Perhaps I was being too subtle? ;-)

I know all about her dramatic pounding of the chest. She drives me batty.

zb #226 oh good I'm glad you got it (thought I was losing my mind there for a bit).

Does this mean that the next SoCal LGF gathering won't include an outing here?

Fay (#227)

LOL! No, it definitely won't.

#225, Fay, I hate to say this, because you're a nice person, but Canada's allowing Celine Dion to move to the US qualifies as AN ACT OF WAR against our fair nation.

Definitely a casus belli. Fire up the F-16s.

Why hasn't anybody mentioned (maybe the thought is just too horrific), "Let's Get Physical" by Olivia Newton John? In this particular case, a better name might be "Olivia Neutron Bomb"! That song is a musical virus capable of turning normal people into drooling idiots in minutes!

I read these comments with growing awe. Clearly, a merciful forgetting has been laid upon the collective minds of football fans, else someone would have mentioned it--I'm fighting the impulse, but --must ---type (scroll down to the next comment quickly here, quickly, it's not too late!)

AHHHHH

CHICAGO!!!!!!!

Too late.

Does anybody really know what time it is (sax slowly strangling) if so I can't imagine why we've all got time enough to cry

and then there was

Beginnings: mostly, I'm silent. (but not enough)

I'm A Man : I'm a man, yes I am and I can't help but love you so.
I'm a man, yes I am and I can't help but love you soooooooo.

Saturday, In the Park, I think it was the 4th of July (mwahahahahaha)

and then there's 25 or 6 to 4

Just You N Me

Feelin' Stronger Everyday

(I've Been) Searchin' So Long

I am seeing a side of myself here that I never knew was there, and it's not pretty--no, I can't do this, yes I can no can can't can WILL:

You are my love and my life, you are my inspiration.
Just you 'n me, simple and free. Baby, you're everythiiiiiiiing I've ever dreamed of.

Give me your own special smile, promise you'll never leave me.
Just you 'n me. simple and free. Life is so easy when you're beside me

and, finally, the ultimate weapon--save this one for Uday:

As time goes on, I realize just what you mean to me.
And now, now that you're near, promise your love that I've waited to share
and dreams of our moments together color my world with hope of loving you--wwoooo--wooooo

EARWORMS ARE BREEDING IN MY BRAIN. . . .
CHICAGO!!!

#229 Susan

Hey girlfriend, doesn't bother me I'm English. I just live in Canada. For now! Besides, the Celineon one is French Canadienne from keybeck, so it's not like we're even living in the same country.

BTW today's National Post had this same story with this interesting little factoid:

Before the invasion of Iraq, the United States also used music to try to win over the inhabitants. It launched a radio station to play Western music and propaganda, while U.S. planes flew overhead blaring tunes by Celine Dion and other music they hoped would prove congenial.

The story also reports that Human Rights Watch are getting their knickers in a twist about this "cruel and unusual punishment" ha! Read all about it here.

Kathleen (#231):

Awwww, why'd you have to go and diss Chicago?!? :(

I'll admit their later-period stuff - okay, almost all their output after about 1975 - kinda sucked. But I still have fond memories of football season at my Ohio high school in the early 1970's, and the Pep Band doing an absolutely kick-ass all-brass rendition of Beginnings.

Even today that song makes me think of cool fall days...red and golden leaves...a green-eyed blonde named Sharon on whom I had a heart-stompin' crush from 7th grade until we graduated and went our separate ways...

Hold on to the gold of your memories. I bite my tongue. I eat my keyboard. It's just, to be honest, Jeff, I was trying to think of music that would be effective even on people who didn't speak English, and Chicago came to mind.

For some reason, though, throughout this discussion, much as I enjoyed it, I kept remembering the interview I read with the people (for want of a better term) who were quoted as saying that they had a free hand to do anything they wanted to the children of prisoners for the purposes of interrogation, including making kebab from the babies, one said with a chuckle.

For those who consider listening to "I love you" a violation of prisoner's rights, it may be helpful to keep some perspective.

#230: "Olivia neutron bomb". Believe it or not, but she *is* the granddaughter of pioneering quantum physicist Max Born (mentor to Heisenberg, until Born had to leave Germany for reason of his 'non-Aryan' descent).

Another suggestion: If you think Philip Glass is repetitive, Tangerine Dream had an album in the early '70s called 'Zeit' which is essentially one long tone being played on 12 cellos, sometimes drifting slightly out of tune with each other.

And then there's the pope's recording of 'Ave Maria'...