An Iowahawk Exclusive
New revelations tonight about John Kerry’s Xmas mission to the Island of Misfit Toys.
There I was, strafing helpless misfit toys with Joey Heatherton, Jill St. John, Lola Falana and Raquel Welch,“ said Kerry. ”Our fire dispersed the insurgents, and I could have shot several of the fleeing toys in the back, but I didn’t. Down in Saigon they say, my small heart grew three sizes that day.“
In a 2003 Washington Post profile, Kerry even displayed a souvenir from the mission.
”Who told you about this? Even my friends don’t know about it,“ said Kerry, pulling a musty fur bikini top from a secret compartment in his attache case. Kerry said it was ”a good luck charm“ given to him by covert CIA agent Nancy Sinatra.
Putting on the bra, Kerry formed his hands into pantomime guns.
”Pow! Kapow! k-k-k-k-brrrudda brrrudda shpeww!” he added, blowing imaginary smoke from his fingertips.