Onion: Hamas Calls for Summit
Hamas Calls For ‘Giant Summit’ With All Israelis.
RAMALLAH, WEST BANK—After his militant Islamic party took the majority in Palestine’s recent elections, Ismail Haniyeh called for a “giant summit with all living Israelis” Monday, rekindling international hopes for peace in the war-torn region.
Haniyeh characterized the one-day summit as “the final solution to the Israeli-Palestinian dispute,” and invited every Jewish citizen of the world to attend. Haniyeh said he expects more than 5 million participants from Israel alone.
“It was foolish of us to think that a satisfactory resolution could be reached through small-scale aggression,” Haniyeh said. “It will take more than the sporadic deaths of small groups of Israeli civilians to achieve our ends.”
“This summit is long overdue,” he added.
Haniyeh, who once said that Palestinian independence could only be achieved through the destruction of Israel, has apparently reversed his stance.
“It is clear to us now that a positive outcome will not be possible unless many, many sacrifices are made,” Haniyeh said. “I give my word that the Israeli people shall have their cries for peace heard for miles around.”
Haniyeh did not disclose the issues that will be discussed at the summit, saying only that he “would be very surprised if the entire process took longer than a couple of hours.”