Scientists at the Centers for Disease Control and Symantec’s
AntiVirus Research Center today confirmed that foot-and-mouth disease
cannot be spread by Microsoft’s Outlook email application, believed
to be the first time the program has ever failed to propagate a major
virus. “Frankly, we’ve never heard of a virus that couldn’t spread
through Microsoft Outlook, so our findings were, to say the least,
unexpected,” said Clive Sarnow, director of the CDC’s infectious
disease unit.

The study was immediately hailed by British officials, who said it
will save millions of pounds and thousands of man hours. “Up until
now we have, quite naturally, assumed that both foot-and-mouth and
mad cow were spread by Microsoft Outlook,” said Nick Brown, Britain’s
Agriculture Minister. “By eliminating it, we can focus our resources
elsewhere.”