Osama bin Laden (or an incredible facsimile) has issued a new statement calling for government projects to save people from floods like the ones in Pakistan. He didn’t add, “Or we’ll kill you,” because that’s a given.

The top al-Qaida leader said a new “well-funded” relief organization should be created to study Muslim regions near bodies of water to prevent future flooding, to create development projects in impoverished regions and to work on farming and agriculture to guarantee food security.

“The famine and drought in Africa that we see, and the flooding in Pakistan and other parts of the world, with thousands dead along with millions of refugees, that’s why people with hearts should move quickly to save their brothers and sisters,” he said.