A Christmas carol - Right wing edition
Carl Goodman was a bit of a crotchety old man. He was stubborn and staunchly conservative. He was a man fed up with the way the world was going. The minorities and their entitlements, the gays and their equal rights and those darned muslims trying to take over everything. They were even planning to build a mosque on his street! A terrorist training center right in his backyard. Can you imagine? Part of him wanted to burn the place down as soon as he got the chance.
He was a God loving man and Christmas was one of his favorite times of year. He would always think of how much better the world would be if everyone were a Christian and lived according to the bible.
On this particular Dec 24 he ate a quiet dinner and then sat down by the fireplace to read. An hour or so later he heard an odd clattering noise followed by an eerie voice.
“Carl…Carl…”
Thinking he must be imagining things (too much egg nog no doubt) he ignored it and kept reading. Then he heard it again.
“Carl…”
He tried to brush it of again but then he heard the footsteps. He got up out of his chair, looked toward the door and was astonished to see a ghostly figure walking towards him.
The spirit was that of a well dressed man. He wore glasses and was carring items in both hands. Books in one and a chalkboard in the other.
Carl thought he recognized the man, but…could it be?
“Who are you?”
“Ask me who I was.”
“Fine, who were you?”
“I used to be Glenn Beck, one of the most popular conservatives around. I thought I had it all figured out. I thought I had the President figured for the socialist two facer that he was, I thought George Soros was trying to take over everything but I was wrong!”
With that he slammed the chalkboard to the ground and it shattered into several pieces.
“If I had only been a little more reasonable and a little less paranoid I might have been able to be more tolerant, I might have realized what I was doing was going against the freedom I hold so dear.”
Carl was still stunned at what he was seeing. “So why tell me this?”
“Tonight you will be visited by three spirits. I hope through them you can see the truths I never did. The first spirit will show up at 1 am, the second at 2 and the third sometime after that.”
Suddenly the specter vanished and Carl was left by himself. He was still certain all of this was some kind of hallucination so he shook it off again and went to bed.
At 1 am a violent shaking awoke him. He was shocked to see a large dark skinned man standing in his room. He reached under his bed for his gun but it was not there.
“Who are you?”
“I am the ghost of Christmas blacks.”
Carl thought he was losing his mind.
The tall man spoke again. “There is something you need to see.” He snapped his fingers and immediately Carl found himself in a small apartment with a black family celebrating Christmas.
They looked nothing like he expected. This was no ghetto, the younger kids were not wearing baggy pants or backwards hats. They even prayed before Christmas dinner!
Carl was shocked. The big man snapped his fingers again and they were back in Carl’s bedroom.
At 2 am the next ghost arrived. Actually make that ghosts. Two women each with short hair. Carl was shocked. “We are the ghosts of tolerance. Come with us.”
Carl took the ghosts hand and found himself in another home. It was a Christmas party full of..gay couples?
Carl didn’t really like gays but as he watched the party scene he realized something: these people weren’t what he thought they were. They weren’t freaks or monsters and they seemed to have a deep respect for their kids and each other.
When the third ghost came, Carl was shocked to see an old man, frail but mentally alert. “I am the ghost of compassion, come with me.”
So Carl went with the ghost and saw holiday scenes from around the world. Carl was amazed at the different cultures he saw and how they all seemed pretty normal in their own way. There was none of the hatred for white people and America he expected to see.
When it was over he noticed the cross on the mans robe.
“You’re a Christian?”
“Yes”
“And you’re ok with all of this?”
“Of course, the thing Jesus asks of us above all others is to show love and compassion for our fellow man.”
Then the ghost disappeared.
The next day Carl Goodman did some things he should have done long ago: He turned off Fox News and shut down his computer. He apologized to the muslims for his comments about the mosque, sent a letter to a gay former friend he had long been out of contact with and even invited his black neighbors over for Christmas dinner.