Monday morning. Hum-te-dum. Checking email, social, feeds … and GOOD GOD WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!!!

Cameron and his love object, in happier days.

Conservative party sources have denied that David Cameron was involved in a bizarre university dining club ritual involving a dead pig’s head.

Downing Street had earlier declined to comment on any of the allegations in a new unofficial biography by the former Tory donor Lord Ashcroft. But a party source later specifically denied the allegation that has caused the biggest stir - that Cameron was a member of the decadent Piers Gaveston club and allegedly put “a private part of his anatomy” into a dead pig’s mouth as part of an initiation rite.

Apparently, this is from a book from someone named Lord Ashcroft, although I dimly suspect this may be just a character on Downton Abbey, and there are these other allegations:

Mr Cameron was a member of a ‘dope smoking group’ called the Flam Club at Oxford University;
Cocaine was later allowed to circulate at his and his wife’s London home;
Mr Cameron was also in a debauched Oxford society that specialises in ‘bizarre rituals and sexual excess’;
The book reports a source who claims that during Mr Cameron’s initiation ceremony he ‘put a private part of his anatomy’ into a dead pig’s mouth. Furthermore, the source claims to have seen photographic evidence;
Lynton Crosby, the pollster who guided the PM to electoral victory, privately thinks he is a ‘tosser’ and ‘posh ****’.

Welp. At least the shitshow that is Donald Trump is no longer the most embarrassing thing in a major western democracy any more.