I think we should just outlaw sex altogether. After all,

1. Sex is the leading cause of unwanted pregnancies.

2. It’s responsible for 100% of the spread of STDs.

3. Teens who engage in sex are much more likely to experience a physically or emotionally abusive relationship, drop out of high school, and engage in substance abuse, and aren’t as good at math.

4. Sex takes up valuable time that could have been used to volunteer at a soup kitchen or research a cure for cancer.