Then again, I never understood circle-jerks, either. I walked home from a Boy Scouts camping trip once because everyone in the tent was like “Okay, it’s time for the circle jerk now” and I was like “What’s that?” and they said “We all jerk off together while looking at porn” and I said, “I just remembered I have a lot of Latin homework” and walked five miles home. I wasn’t creeped out or afraid, I just knew 100% I really didn’t want to sit around with a bunch of dudes jacking off, nor did I want to take a walk in the forest and walk back and be like “All done? Has the circle been jerked?”

The walk home was actually really nice and I remember it happily. A very clear night, lots of starlight and moonlight, in Connecticut in the fall.