My recap:

Carly’s bringing Petreaus out of mothballs, but she’s going to snub Putin, even though she knows him well.
Christie’s going to hide under his bed, ‘cause those toddlers are scary, but then he’s going to bomb the shit out of everything.
Rubio is going to do…whatever it takes, or something.
Kasich is going to mesmerize all foes with his dramatic hand gestures and solemnity.
Jeb! is going to call his dad and ask, “Did I do good, Daddy?”
Cruz is going to see if he can stick his head any further up Trump’s ass, and then he’s also going to bomb the shit out of everything—carpetbombs, but not on cities, wherever the ENEMY is (good luck finding them Teddy.)
Rand is going to bask in the glory of his few minutes of coherence (5 minute rule notwithstanding) and also call his dad and ask, “Did I do good, Daddy?”
Carson is going to pat himself on the back with his “gifted hands” because he actually pronounced Mosul correctly once. Then he’s going to take a nap.
TRUMP is going to go watch all the internet polls proclaiming him the winner of the debate and all other things in the universe.

The end.