How the oath-keepers’ scenario would really play out:

(President Obama snorts another line of coke and orders the secretary to send in the JCS chairman)

Obama: General, good to see you. We have a little problem and I need your help.

General: Indeed, sir. How can we help?

Obama: You see, General, we have this disputed election in Phoenix. My operatives tell me that the court might actually throw out all those ACORN votes and give it to the Republican guy, some nonsense about dead people and undocumented workers getting to vote 10 or 12 times each.

General: Sorry to hear that, sir. Things like that are part of the reason I’m not a politician.

Obama: Even worse, that asshole Glenn Beck is holding a rally to support the decision. Our ACORN operatives tell us his followers will be armed because it is technically still legal for racist assholes and Christians to carry guns in Arizona.

General: Er, he is in fact an asshole but where are you going with this sir?

Obama: (Hands sheet of paper to General) Simple really. I want you to order troops from wherever, Fort Chihuahua or somewhere, to go there with tanks and Apache gunships, cordon off downtown Phoenix, break up this rally, and arrest Beck and the rest of the nuts. Some of the names are on that list, along with the GPS coordinates of their houses.

General: (muttering) Holy shit! (Speaking louder) I hope you’re joking sir.

Obama: It’s no joke, General! Don’t you know how to obey orders!?

General: Not unlawful ones. No, sir, I won’t do it.

Obama: I’ll have you shot!

General: By whom?

Obama: I’ll commission the ACORN youth director as a field marshal to replace you!

General: I’ve heard enough.

Obama: Racist! Traitor! I’ll get you for this!

(Secret Service agents and Joe Biden barge into the Oval Office)
USS agent: Mr. President, you are under arrest.

Obama: (Looks at Biden) Et tu, Joe?

Biden: ‘Fraid so, Barry. You are relieved. Now where is that judge? Do they still have a Bible in this place?